The Thing
(1982)
I love The Thing.
-See you next week.
Just kidding, I can't just say
that. There are so many elements that make The Thing a great movie.
Enough wasting time failing to be funny, on to the movie!
There's a quick shot of a spaceship
flying by earth and then text pops up saying we are in 1982 Antarctica. A
couple dudes in a helicopter start chasing and shooting at a dog. Nothing
weird there. The helicopter lands at the American's base and the people
in it (Norwegians) are still going mental. One gets blown up accidentally
by a grenade and the other shoots one of American’s while aiming for the dog.
Because he did that, the captain of the base shoots him. No more
Norwegians.
Kurt Russell (MacReady) is the
base's pilot and he travels with the doctor to the Norwegians base in order to
see what their deal is. They find the place half burnt down and
completely empty. Well only empty for a
little bit. A frozen dead body is found
and Mac goes deeper and finds a weird chunk of ice somewhere in the farthest
room. It looks like something broke out
of it.
Mac and
the doctor leave and bring back the charred remains of some weird looking
mangled Norwegian, possibly even two people melted together. Later that night, the Norwegian dog is put in
the kennel with all the others and its face opens up. It starts growing legs everywhere and
shooting strings out at the other dogs.
The men hear it and are definitely disturbed by what they find. After shooting the beast with multiple
shotgun rounds, a guy named Childs hits it with the flame thrower.
The scientist
analyzes what the monster is and determined that it’s an organism that imitates
other life forms meaning it kills them and then looks like them. That sets off everyone thinking that the guy
next to them could be a monster in disguise and the dude that handles the dogs
is the first suspect. They watch some
videos that they found at the Norwegian base.
Looks like the Norwegians found something under the ice so Mac heads out
to check on where they were working. The
of course find a spaceship that’s been buried for at least 100,000 years.
After an
alien discussion the group disperses.
The scientist runs some analysis and finds out that the probability of
at least one person being killed and replaced by an alien is at 75%. If the intruder organism reaches civilization
it would take 27,000 hours for the entire human population the be wiped
out. One of the Americans dies and now
anyone who isn’t with the group is suspected of being an alien. The scientist goes completely mental,
smashing all of the computers and helicopter while taking a few shots at anyone
living so the aliens can’t make it off the base.
Serious
finger pointing and freak outs continue while the men try to come up with a way
to test if they’re human or not. Another
guy dies and they begin to think that Mac is one of them. After a stand-off one of my favorite deaths
occur. The doctor is giving CPR to a
dead guy and then hits him with a defibrillator. After he yells clear, the dead guys stomach
opens up and a giant set of teeth appear, biting off the docs hands. A head with arms then jumps out of stomach
and walks away but eventually gets torched.
SPOILERS
There’s
seven people left but Mac kills one of them who tries to come at him with a scalpel. Finally they come up with a test. Mac figures out that each cell of the thing
is alive and can feel pain so he takes blood from everyone and pokes it with a
flaming hot piece of metal. If they are
the thing, their blood should have a reaction. The first three are negative but the fourths
blood pops out of the Petri dish. The
alien then opens up its head into a giant mouth and bites the head off another
guy. Down to four now I think and they
all passed the test. No more aliens
right? I forgot about the scientist who
smashed everything up. They go to give
him the test and he’s disappeared. They
find an underground tunnel and see that he’s been making a spaceship. Looks like I was a little early on that no
aliens call.
All of
the base’s power gets cut and they realize that they are going to freeze. Their strategy changes from survival to let’s
not let the alien get out alive. They
blow up the spaceship and pretty much the rest of the base with it. The alien gets one of them by sticking its
hand inside the guys face and spreading it out under his skin. It then gets another one. The only people left are MacReady and Childs. The giant alien pops out at Mac and he blows
it and everything else up in a huge blast.
Mac settles down in the snow and Childs shows up. Together they show up and are still not 100%
sure if either is an alien. Childs asks “so
what do we do now?” and Mac answers “Why don’t we just wait here a little while…see
what happens…” Such a good last
line. The end.
THAT WAS
DARK
FAVORITE
SCENE: The last scene is great, the
blood testing scene is great but my favorite is the stomach jaws doctor death
scene.
FAVORITE
LINES : Already said the ending and I’ll add “ You’re gonna have to sleep some
time MacReady. I’m a real light sleeper
Childs”
PRETENTIOUS
RATING : “Because this
material has been done before, and better, especially in the original The Thing
and Alien, there's no need to see this version.” Roger Ebert. This is the same guy who thinks that Tommy
Boy, Scrooged and Kick Ass are not only bad movies, but the worst ever
made. You suck.
RATING : 10 Baby Ruth’s.
I’m sticking with Baby Ruth’s because they are my favorite. This movie probably isn’t perfect for a lot
of people but it is for me. The special
effects are amazing for 1982 and there isn’t any crappy CGI. The music is brooding and ominous. It’s a movie that features no women so
getting a good action movie lead like Kurt Russell is great (Nick Nolte was the
first choice for the role). It’s paced
well, the sets look great and Ebert still sucks.
ALTERNATE ENDING : SPOILS.
Saw that they made an alternate ending in which MacReady is rescued and
they test his blood. He is a human and
Child’s dies. I don’t like that. Needs to have a bleak and mysterious ending
for a dark movie.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF I WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER : Flown a
plane instead of a helicopter. I also
probably would’ve been more trusting which could be a downfall.
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE SEQUEL : A Yeti walks by and the Alien
imitates it. After spending a few weeks
as a Yeti, it decides that life is a lot cooler and forgets all about
humans. Cooler.
I wonder what he was writing about
Millennium Falcon?
Hanging around aliens changes people......
Blood test Kurt Russell style
Not where I left that
If you're stuck in a room with an alien, it's important not to lose you head..... I can't stop
B’YAAAAH
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