Movie #67 The Snowtown Murders

The Snowtown Murders (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1680114/

Back to back Aussie movies?  You bet mate.  Also I won't be saying mate anymore because the corniness level is just too high.  What is there to know about Snowtown?  Looks like it's rated fairly high so far and is based on a true story.  Also it might feature murder so be on the look out for that.  Hopefully a bunch of sheila's, blokes and dingo babies won't be killed.

The first five minutes is completely filled with nothing but smoking and swearing, just how Kangaroo Jack portrayed it.  Then something a few people might consider "weird happens".  The mom leaves to go play slots somewhere and the dad makes his three boys strip down and takes pictures of them while he himself is naked.  Slightly odd but then again, Australia.  Also I saw his ding dong which means there is an automatic -1 to the rating.  For real though, what just happened?  The next day a cross dresser and another sketchy looking guy come to the house while the dad is gone.  All of a sudden the mom rushes out of the house, walks across the street and starts beating on the dad while yelling "What have you done to our boys?" with more than one expletive sprinkled in there.  Death threats follow and she gives him a serious beating.  That's one saucy sheila!  Either I'm 2/3 slow or that's a tongue twister.

Weird people keep showing up at the house and I just have no clue what is happening.  The cross dressers are back as well as another guy who now all appear to be friends with the mom.  New developments.  The naked guy was a neighbor, not the dad.  One of the new guys buys the kids ice cream and they use it to write fag all over his windows.  The random people who keep popping in appear to be all neighbors in the town and they have a big meeting about sex offenders and how someone needs to do something about them.

Did I mention that I don't know what is going on?  Who I am guessing is the main character because he's on the cover, Jamie (the oldest boy) wakes up to find one of the guys chopping the tiny arms and heads off of dead kangaroos.  My equally clueless intern says "What is this, Kangaroo Frankenstein vs Pedophile Man?"  What a clever lad.  I didn't know people ate kangaroos but hopefully that's what he is using it for.  They mush up the heads and arms, put them in a bucket, carry them across the street and dump them on the pedophiles front door.  What have you done with your day (the intern is on fire right now).  That is directly followed by the little boy toucher moving out away.  Zero murders.

I see that number going up in the very near future.  Jamie is on the couch watching TV when his older brother walks in and wants to wrestle with him.  I, as an older brother know how important these strength dominant exercises are and see nothing wrong with it.  Things go very wrong though.  The older brother pins Jamie down and goes from wrestling to wrasslin to pants down brother rape in about 7 seconds.  Oh boy.  Getting raped by a neighbor is one thing (and it's a whole thing) but this is something else.  My intern may have peaked to soon because he says "Why did the guy take this role, all he does is get raped".  That is then quickly followed by "I mean seriously, it's just rape".  He probably just doesn't know what acting is so you can't blame him.

The cross dresser comes over and tells the kangaroo guy(who will now be called Jack in memory of Kangaroo Jack) a bunch of pedophiles and where the live.  Looks like it's almost murdering time.  He and Jamie who was looking a lot like Sunshine from Remember the Titans each get buzz cuts to get ready for the killing I suppose.  Over dinner they have the usual table conversation of "Do you like being f***** because I don't ever see you do anything about it".  Jack shows Jamie his gun and tells him to shoot his dog.  "If you want to do something about it, shoot the dog".  The dog doesn't deserve it but he gets shot anyway.  Jack isn't what I would call father figure material.  45 minutes in and only a poor dog has been murdered.

You want to know what happens next?  Weird stuff.  Jack and Jamie are at some woman's house.  I would say that she is both on the older and larger side.  I can say that pretty well because she gets completely naked and Jack watches her dance in a trailer while eating what appears to be an egg salad sandwich.  A few days later and we finally have some murders.  Jack kills Jamie's friend and when Jamie loses it, Jamie tells him to calm down "It was only a f***ing junkie".  Jack tells him to go and pack his things up and even buy a few things with your dead friends credit card if you want.  However instead of running away, he works with Jack.

There's another lets say town hall pedophile meeting at the house and one woman says she wishes she could "skin a guys prick". The next day, Jack and his partner decide it's time for the older, rapist brother to get his.  They chain him to the toilet and crush his toes with pliers.  They then record the brother saying that's he's going away and don't try to contact me mom.  Jack is torturing him and Jamie runs in to finish him off possibly so he would stop suffering.

Jamie goes to see a doctor about being a schizophrenic.  We hear a lot of other tapes of people who Jack has probably murdered.  He visits a kids house who has a pet snake.  We get to see the snake feed on a mouse which is by far the worst thing I've seen in this movie yet.  Jack wigs out on Jamie, tells him to stop taking his medication which is just sound advice.  Nothing is really happening anymore except tension is building between Jamie and Jack.  With 15 minutes left, Jack tells Jamie to get in the car and drives them who knows where.

THIS IS PROBABLY THE END
Basically after 10 minutes of awkward staring, the movie ends with probably another person dying.  Text at the end says that they eventually got busted and Jack got life in prison for being the worst serial killer ever in Australia.  Jamie got life but can get out on parole after 26 years because he testified against everyone else.  My intern said "Oh good he's in prison probably getting raped some more".  And there he is, the intern is back people!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

Best scene : Who knows.  The one without rape?  I think I'll go with the mom losing it in the very beginning.

Memorable Lines : "Mate"

Rating : 5.5 Vegemite flavored lolly pops.  Still don't know quite what to think about this movie.  The acting, cinematography and music were all very well done.  The pacing and actual story telling themselves, not so much.  There were numerous time that I didn't know where they were, who was killing and who they were killing.  People just did things without being introduced to us.  I think the pieces were there for this movie to be really good but it ended up just being pretty decent.  The story itself is very intriguing and don't forgot, there is a -1 per penis viewed which is now going to be a standing rule for all movies

Alternate Ending: They get caught.  I bet Jack (who is really named John in case you want to look things up) puts up quite the fight.

What I would do if I was the main character : It would be pretty simple for me to just end things and go to the police but my life and decision making haven't been as jacked up as his.  Also if anyone touches my hiney I'll turn into The Punisher.  Good thing I'm fast.

What happens in the sequel: 26 years later they make a movie called the Snowtown Parole Hearings.  They play the movie and Jamie gets let out on good behavior as long as he takes his medication.  That movie will also be a little slow.

 The brothers.  Jamie on left, rapist second from right

Jack (John).  I could not watch this movie and still guess right that he did it

There were probably like three kangaroos harmed in the making of this.
still doing 2 a days.  Like please.  Cheers (think that's British not Australian)
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