Hellraiser (1987)
Movie paused, need more introducing. What makes the Hellraiser series famous? Pinhead. That is his actual name and he gets it by having a bunch of pins. Pins that stick out of his head. Quality breakdown I know, but Pinhead is one of those characters in a slasher movie who creeped you out when you saw him on the cover of a movie a blockbuster but now looks dorky. That made me think if there was anything that I liked as a young lad that now gives me the heebie jeebies. The only thing I can think of is Rugrats. Not the children themselves, but the conspiracy http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Rugrats_Theory
Movie opens with a close up on a fancy looking cube and pans out to a guy with the dirtiest fingernails ever buying the box from an Asian guy. Scene cuts right to the dude kneeling on the ground in a dark room surrounded by candles. The cube is a puzzle box and he opens it up and puts it back together and a bunch of hooks shoot out of it and shoot into his skin. Does that mean that he got the puzzle right or wrong? The next scene is a bunch of hooks with like ears and a skull are hanging from the ceiling and the ground is covered in flesh. Making a strong guess by saying it's what's left of the dude. Pretty gnarly. A guy with pins on his head (Pinhead) walks up to the puzzle box, closes it and everything vanishes. Pinhead, flesh and hooks all gone.
The dead guys brother walks into the house and apparently decides to just move in. His wife/girlfriend is not stoked. Maybe pinhead didn't take the stank of death with him. The guys daughter calls him and says she is looking for a job and dad tells her she doesn't have to. She declines and says she wants to. Dummy. The next day she shows up to the house while her dad is moving in. She looking pretty good I have to say. The wife/girlfriend of that dad did something with the brother. I'm going to guess that a night of getting jiggy with it occurred.
After two flashbacks, yup, that's what happened. She acts really weird for like 10 minutes while her husband and two movers struggle to get a mattress up the stairs. Come on. While moving it, the dad cuts his hand on a nail and the blood gets sucked into the floor boards. The camera shows like a heart or something beating under the floor. Very weird. They leave the room and a body gets gruesomely grown out of the floor. I take back my previously very weird and would rather use it here. The wife goes up into the blood room and the newborn body grabs him. Body starts talking and says that it's the brother from the beginning. He asks her for help which means more blood.
That night the daughter walks around the house and sees a bloody body on a table while feathers float around and a child screams. Its just a dream. A cool looking dream as long as you aren't the one in it. Now we see the wife out at some bar and she seduces some guy home. Naughty. Even naughtier, she gets him to turn around and beats him to death with a hammer. If we're being honest, if I had to choose between sleeping with her or getting beat to death with a hammer, I might have gone with the beating.
The daughter works at some pet store and has to kick a guy out for eating the bugs. She gets freaked out but I don't feel like its an acceptable amount of freakage. Wife beats down another guy and the brother feeds on it. The brother explains the puzzle box. Says it opens a portal to the pleasures of heaven or hell. Says the monsters (named the Cenobites) gave him an experience beyond pain and pleasure.
Later the wife and husband start banging while a brother who still doesn't have skin watches. He walks in on them and pulls out a knife like the husband is about to get it but instead cuts a rat and walks away. The next day the daughter goes to her dads home and spots the wife bringing in a dude. The daughter (named Kirsty I guess I should start using named) walks in and sees the dead guy. Then the brother (named Frank) attacks her. She picks up the puzzle box and throws it out with window after saying dirty words. She then rushes outside, grabs the box and runs away.
Kirsty passes out and wakes up in a hospital. She finds the box and starts playing with it. She of course opens it and a hole in the wall appears. I personally wouldn't walk into it but she does and gets chased by a monster. After a chase she busts through the hole and the wall and it closes safely behind her. Safe is the wrong word to use because things in the room start happening like light bulbs blowing up and monsters with no lips walking up to her and sticking their fingers in her mouth. Okay varying degrees of things start happening. Pinhead shows up and says "The box, you opened it and we came". She responds with "It's just a puzzle box". Right before they are about to torture her up something awful she yells that Frank escaped and I can take you to him.
FEELS LIKE THE END IS COMING. LETS START THE SPOILERS.
The husband shows up back up, gets killed and Frank sleeps with the wife while wearing his brothers skin. That's not normal. Kirsty shows up at the house and thinks her dad is her uncle and her uncle is her dad. I can see how it could be confusing for her. Frank goes to stab Kirsty but stabs the wife instead. If you don't know that Frank is a bad dude by now then you definitely do. He chases after Kirsty a bit and she starts crying loudly which is never good for hiding. She trips over her dad's skinless body after getting Frank into the cenobites room which kind of sucks but at least Pinhead shows and grabs him. Hooks start shooting out and getting in his skin, making him yelp in pain. That confuses me though, he is basically wearing a skin suit and shouldn't feel anything that happens to it because his brain doesn't have any nerves connected to it. Or maybe you aren't supposed to think this much into it. Frank gets ripped into a bunch of pieces and Kirsty is able to close the puzzle box before she gets some ripping of her own. There is some scene after that in which the bug eating guy shows up, turns into a dragon skeleton and flies away with the box. Couldn't explain it even if I wanted to. The final scene is the Asain guy selling the box to a new sucker.
Favorite Scene : Tough to say because no scene really sticks out. I liked the little dream sequence that Kirsty had the best I guess.
Memorable Lines : "No tears please, it's a waste of good suffering"
Rating : 5 caramel candy corns. That's 5/10 in case you have forgotten, not 5/5. I thought this movie was super average. The only reason I can really think of for watching this, is just to say that you've watched it. It's not like it was horrible but I won't be watching again.
Alternate Ending : Spoilers involved. With new skin, Frank grows a new heart too, one made of gold. He raises Kristy just like a child of his own.
What I would do if I was the main character : I'm pretty good with puzzles so it wouldn't take me long to figure out that box. Then again I probably would never come in possession of it because there's no real reason to spend a lot of money on a puzzle. Lets say just for the heck of it I did summon the Cenobites, then what? I would probably just reason with them. Sike, I'd be hanging from the ceiling in pieces too.
What happens in the sequel : I'm pretty sure there are at least 3 sequels. I assume they all involve large amounts of blood and Pinhead exclaiming about how awesome pain is. Maybe Corey Feldman is in one.
Box doesn't look like that much fun
Mouseketeers. I mean Cenobites
Kirsty
Frank without skin
I've had better days.
Pain-free reading right?
Favorite line in blog -- calling daughter Dummy for wanting to look for a job!
ReplyDelete