Candy and a Movie: Movie # 63 Cabin in the Woods

Cabin in the Woods (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1259521/

After a rough start, I get to write about two good movies in a row. Here's is what I knew before watching Cabin in the Woods. It has a 91% on rottentomatoes which is always a plus, people I know liked it and Thor is in it. He isn't yelling and saying thou for the most part. I watched this last night but I like writing things like I'm watching live so get used to it. Want to add something else, maybe watch it before reading this. What is so great about the movie is that the plot goes in a completely different direction than what you would think and having that spoiled would lessen some of the effect. That means essentially the spoiler section starts RIGHT NOW.

Eric from Billy Madison(Hadley) and the dad from Step Brothers (Sitterson) are chat for like 5 minutes. That's the opening scene. Next we jump to a ginger girl in her underwear standing next to multiple very open windows. She chats a little with her blond friend (Jules) and Thor walks in. He's dating Jules and describes how they are going camping and a new cute (according to movie not my words) football player is coming with them. Thor happens to be on the football team, smart and a beefcake meaning I'm sure brave acts will be coming from him eventually too. The three of them get into a camper with the new guy (Holden) and a random stoner that pulls up (Marty). Marty really doesn't belong in the group but he's in the movie primarily to add a few jokes and he is pretty funny. As they drive off, we see that they are under surveillance but we do not know why.

We do know who is watching them though because the next scene is Hadley and Sitterson watching the camper on large screens in some underground bunker. They are obviously up to something no good but act like guys working at an insurance company or something. They crack jokes and you can't help liking them. Anyway, the campers have a brush in with the cliche creepy backwoods gas station attendant and show up at the cabin. Right before they arrive, unbeknownst to them, a bird flies into some invisible bunker and dies. I'm sure the guys in the hi-tech bunker are involved with that somehow and there is a lot more to come. The campers all go swimming (not the usual slasher skinny-dipping) once they arrive to the cabin (which does happen to be in the woods).

While they are swimming we arrive back at the bunker. There appears to be a whole organization inside there and are betting on I guess who will survive the longest. I'm going to repeat that it's very weird to watch all of these seemingly normal people wager and be a part in something like that. It could be unsettling but instead its very entertaining and almost exciting because I still have no clue with what role they play. They seem to be in control of everything from setting the temperature of the outdoor environment to pumping in gas pheromones to make the campers randy.

When the campers get out of the lake they play the cliche game of truth or dare. Everything about this movie that involves the campers so far has been a classic slasher movie cliche. Jules gets dared to make out with a stuffed wolf's head and does because of the pheromones. She gets really into it and it almost seems like she thought it was a werewolf and turned into a humans head. Nope, it was all fangs. It's the gingers turn next when the door to the basement suddenly slams open. Down in the cellar is perhaps every horror movie plot line ever. Thor plays with a puzzle box while Jules almost puts on a most likely haunted necklace. The ginger finds an old book with some Latin terms in it. Wait I get it now; this movie is making fun of slasher movies just as much as it is one. Very clever Josh Whedon. They read the Latin and it awakens a family of zombies. Thor and Jules go out into the woods and start making out. Boobs! Right before things start happening, the zombies stab and capture Thor making him watch Jules have her throat slit. Gnarly.

It turns out the bunker employees weren't wagering on who would survive the longest but on what evil would kill them. The winning division (maintainers) celebrate while the rest of the organization gets back to work. Back at the cabin the ginger and Holden make out on the couch while the Marty tells a few jokes. Thor somehow survives and arrives back to the cabin warning everyone to go to their rooms. Each one of them gets locked in by the bunker workers and it's Marty who gets attacked first. After a little chase, he gets stabbed and falls down a hole only to be followed by death sounds in which we don't get to see. The remaining three campers make it to the RV and start driving away to freedom only to have Sitterson push a button and destroy the tunnel and the only road to escape. Thor gets the idea of jumping their BMX bike over the ravine and going to get help. He takes off and slams into the same barrier that the hawk hit, causing him to fall to his death. Two left. Forgot to mention, every time that someone dies Hadley pulls a lever causing blood to fall into weird statues like it's some sort of ritual. While Holden and the ginger are driving back to the cabin, he gets stabbed in the neck by a zombie and dies leaving only the ginger.

That last death causes everyone in the bunker to celebrate. The two from the beginning who seem to be in charge say that the virgin doesn't need to die, just be tortured (and she is being tortured by same zombie who just did the neck stabbing). Mid-celebration a red phones and everyone goes silent. It sounds like the ritual didn't work and what do you know, Marty pops up on screen and helps save the Ginger. Together they go in some room that has only an elevator that only goes down. Of course they take it even though Marty says that someone just sent the zombies up that elevator. Here is where the movie completely changes. While traveling down, the elevator is more of a cage. They pass other cages with things like werewolves, ghosts, giant snakes, other zombies, etc. There are probably thousands of them because Sitterson finds them in box 3660. A guard comes to get them in which they escape and hide in a sort of control room. From that room they bring up all of those nightmare creatures in elevators and the place gets bloody real quick. A unicorn even stabs and kills a guy. While probably hundreds of people are dying, the movie still makes you laugh. Marty and the ginger seem to be the last people alive and stumble into the sacrifice chamber. Sigorney Weaver (the director) walks in out of nowhere and says that if they don't die then the ritual won't be complete meaning that the gods who ruled the world before humans would not be appeased. Now you can see why everyone in the organization was cool watching the campers die because it was to save everyone else in the world. All the ginger has to do is kill Marty but she is bitten by a werewolf and ultimately chooses not to. Not long after a giant hand thrusts out from below the surface and the movie ends.

Favorite Scene : We are still in spoilers for the entire post by the way. Can I say the whole time the ginger and Marty are down in the bunker? I can because I make the rules? OK I say that then. Especially the unicorn, clown and merman parts.

Favorite Lines: "OK, I'm drawing a line in the f****** sand. Do NOT read the Latin!"
"Yes, you had "Zombies." But this is "Zombie Redneck Torture Family." Entirely separate thing. It's like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal."

Rating : Nine Baby Ruth's. Unlike Tucker and Dale which was kind of a comedy movie with gore, this is a horror movie with comedy sprinkled in. I think it's very clever what they did and while somethings like the acting (I know that sounds like a big deal but in most horror movies sub par acting can be covered up by just looking scared) and pace of the movie itself weren't perfect, I really want to watch it again already. Also once you have seen it and probably enjoyed yourself, look at the trivia section on the IMDB for some cool facts.

Alternate Ending: I do like the ending but come on, who doesn't want to see the giant titans get out and do some damage. That being said there's a really good chance that it wouldn't look good and things probably ended in the best, bleak way possible. I'm glad they didn't go with the happy ending.

What I would do if I was the main character: I would feel lucky that I summoned zombies. The only thing they can do is catch you off guard. With there only being three of them I would take care of three head pretty easily especially if I had Thor's help. If I drew the giant snake I would have lost my mind and for sure offed my self. I don't even like looking at normal size snakes on TV and can't think of anything worse than a giant one.

What happens in the sequel : Feel like I can say pretty easily that there won't be one.