ABC’s of Death 2
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2926810/?ref_=nv_sr_1
All right so the first ABC’s was one of the worst things
I’ve ever watched. Possibly the only
time a movie has made me feel embarrassed for choosing it to watch with my
producer (who couldn’t make it halfway).
So maybe directors, let’s not so much creative freedom this time. To the letters...
A is for Amateur- an undercover cop tries climbing through
air ducts to kill some kind of criminal.
He is doing a terrible job and ends up getting stuck. Three weeks later we see a guy cleaning the
ducts pull him out. As the dead cop’s
gun falls to the ground, it fires catching the criminal in the neck. Mission accomplished I guess. So-so start.
B is for Badger – the host of a British nature show is doing
a piece on how some badgers land has been contaminated and overrun by a power
plant. He’s a jerk and ends up being
killed by said badgers. Nothing special.
C is for Capital Punishment – a town outraged over a missing
girl tries and executes the man they believed did it. Better.
D is for Deloused – some creepy stop motion animation. Not into it.
E is for Equilibrium – a woman comes between two men
stranded on an island. Turns into a 4-minute
beer commercial for men in the end. I’ve
seen worse.
F is for Falling – an Israeli soldier’s parachute is caught
in a tree when a Palestinian guy finds her.
He may or may not fall out of the tree.
Not the most to it but not terrible.
G is for Granddad – A grandfather ends up killing his
annoying punk grandson. Oh and he has no
ding dong. First really bad one.
H is for Head Games – a sketched out depiction of a couple
making out and then killing each other.
If you’re an artist into this kind of style you probably liked it. I’m not.
I is for Invincible – four adults try to kill their 120-year-old
mother to get her inheritance. He has
some kind of pearl in her that won’t let her die. In the end it’s spit into the mouth of
another and she dies. At least it was short.
J is for Jesus - a guy has his gay son taken and exorcised
to get the gay out. The guy being
exorcised/tortured sees them as demons.
All of a sudden he gets stigmata driving one priest to really turn up
the heat on the torture. Then a devil
like creature comes out of nowhere and kills one of them, branding
another. Not a very Jesus-like
move. A little more entertained.
K is for knell - a weird black sphere appears in the sky and
people start E.K.E (everybody kill everybody).
A lady bleed from her who-ha and it ends. I never heard a bell and don’t get it.
L is for Legacy – African tribe politics go bad. Pretty rough production value here.
M is for Masticate – a guy punches people and eats someone’s
ear. 34 minutes before, he did some bath
salts. That’s the whole thing. Oh and it was super dragged out in slow
motion. Big time pass.
N is for Nexus – a guy riding his bike on Halloween gets hit
by a car. The bike flies into the air
and hits a kid in the head. They both
die and I learned what a nexus is. Word
is cooler than the short.
O is for Ochlocracy (Mob Rule) - It’s 2018 and people who
have killed zombies are being put on trial for murder after a cure has been
found. All the killing happened before
the cure (including her daughter) but the zombies are still pissed. Liked everything about this one except the
name.
P is for P-P-P-P Scary - three bad acted criminals escape
from jail come across a man and start dancing together. They seem happy until one sneezes and things
go bad. This was so bad. Belongs in the original. Almost making me angry bad.
Q is for Questionnaire – a guy is getting an intelligence
test on the street and killing it. The
test ends with him getting a perfect score, being taking to a surgery room,
having his brain removed and sticking it in a gorillas. Who saw that coming?
R is for Roulette - two German dudes and a chick are playing
Russian roulette. Not bad
S is for Split - a woman is at home during a house invasion
while on the phone with her husband. The
intruder kills the wife and picks up the phone.
Asks the husband to speak with her husband. Solid twist.
T is for Torture Porn- a woman is being humiliated at a
porno shoot by the director and crew.
She turns into a demon and kills/rapes all of them. We’ve all seen it a thousand times
before. Didn’t like.
U is for Utopia - A bunch of decent looking people watch as
a robot kills a “sub-norm”. I’m sure the
director was making a statement on classicism or societies value on beauty but
it was just dumb and simple.
V is for Vacation - A guy goes on a vacation with his
bro. While face chatting with his
girlfriend, the bro steals the phone and shows the girlfriend a hotel room full
of drugs and prostitutes. One skank gets
punched so in turn, the other stabs the bro 20 times with a screwdriver and
throws the other off a balcony. The end.
W is for Wish - two kids are teleported into the world of
their favorite superhero. Instead of it
being fun, it’s a horror movie. Lots of
murder and torture. One dies and the
other is kidnapped. I like the idea but
definitely not the execution.
X is for xylophone - a kids xylophone playing is annoying
enough for her babysitter to murder, dismember and play her rib cage as an
instrument. Horrible short.
Y is for Youth - A Japanese girl is pissed that her stepdad
who was watching her dog let him die. So
she turns into a dog, has pencil’s thrown at his wrists and kills him by having
a guitar come out of his neck. Actually
none of that really happened at the end there, it was in her jacked up
head. Same story with her mom and a
vegetable monster because that’s what she makes the daughter eat. The girl gives them the finger. This one sucked too
Z is for Zygote – a woman is pregnant but it looks like she
never gives birth. She kills a cat for
food. The baby wants out (to be born) but
she won’t let him. The kid then kills
her, forces all of her bones and organs out of her mouth, and wears her around
like a skin suit so they can be together forever. The dad then comes home to get the body
pregnant again. Definitely in the
running for worst letter.
Rating: 4.9 – This movie was better but only because it had
to be. I thought O was the best and S
was a distant second. P,G,X,Z,Y all
sucked really badly. P was so bad.
Don’t watch this movie unless you really, really want to.
That’s all
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