The Blair Witch Project (1999)
I haven’t always been a fan of horror movies. At one time I was a child and I was
afraid. But things change and I outgrew
this fear and now like to watch movies to be scared. A big reason for this is that I stopped being
an idiot and figured out movies aren’t real.
There is no way a vampire could ever try to woo me if they are made up. This is all true except for one movie, the
Blair Witch Project. This movie came out
when I was 10 and all I remember about it because I was too scared to look into
it more was that I grew up only an hour from the haunted woods. Thanks for letting 10 year old me know that
dad. HOW COULD YOU LET ME LIVE THAT
CLOSE TO A WITCH? Luckily I moved to
Florida that year but I had a nightmare staying over at a friends house and I’m
pretty sure that I saw something under their bed which all got tied back to me
being haunted for leaving the witch.
Lastly, remember when I said I’m not an idiot anymore? Well I was until now when I looked up the
Blair witch legend to see that it was all made up for the movie and there was
nothing to be afraid of the whole time.
Whoops.
Evidence
The first five minutes or so of the movie are two people
named Heather and Josh picking up a guy named Josh to go make a documentary
about the Blair Witch urban legend. They
get a little background into the story and learn that a bunch of children died
in the 40’s. Some guy kidnapped seven
kids and would walk them 2 by 2 into the basement of his cabin. He would stand one of them in the corner,
kill the other one and then kill the one in the corner too. People say that he put them in the corner
because he couldn’t take them looking at him during the murdering.
All I do is whine
A little later they interview some crazy lady named Mary
Brown. She tells a story about how time
she lied down while fishing with her dad in the woods and saw a witch hovering
over the water. She had hairy arms and
was wearing a shawl and when she opened the shawl the rest of her was hairy
too. That is the end of their first
day.
The group gets out early the next day and head out hiking
in the woods. They come across two dudes
fishing who tell them a tale. A girl in
the 1800’s got lost in the woods and showed back up 3 days later saying that
she saw a woman who’s feet never hit the ground. The other guy says he saw her standing out on
the water once. The film team departs from the fishing hole
and heads to their first stop, Coffin Rock.
Heather tells another story of how five guys were tied together,
eviscerated and had something written into their skin. When the people who found them went back to
bring the police to the scene, they found everything to be gone but vultures
and the smell of flesh. It rains and
they set up camp for the night. End of
day 2.
When Josh wakes
up the next morning, he tells everyone that he heard 2 different voices last
night. They hike towards their next
destination and there is some grumbling from the two guys about being lost and
their location on the map. Heather tells
them that they are heading for the cemetery and are 90 minutes away and Mike
responds how do you know that because they haven’t seen any trails yet. Randomly they come across seven piles of
rocks in the woods (seven dead kids) and just assume that it’s some old Indian
burial ground. The three come back that
night and someone knocks over one of the piles.
That night they all hear weird noises.
Before anything
else is done the next day, the group has to discuss what they heard the night
before. Mike thinks that it’s the locals
messing with them and it’s most not cool.
It is finally time for them to leave so they make their way back to the
car with Heather plotting them out a shorter route than they arrived. Night breaks and they haven’t made it back to
the car yet much to the distress of the men and they set up camp. They hear the same sounds from the previous
night and decide to go out and have a look.
It’s pitch black and the it sounds like there are footsteps around them
making this easily the most tense moment yet.
Nothing happens.
When they wake up
the next morning, the campers find three rock piles circling their tent. Metal.
On top of that, the map is missing which causes a three way meltdown. Actually pretty much the whole rest of the
movie is them melting down on each other.
Heather must’ve had enough with being blamed for their misfortune and
starts blaming the dudes for taking the map.
Eventually Mike snaps and just laughs for like five minutes in a crazy
way. He confesses that it was he who threw
the map in the creek yesterday because he thought it was useless. More Chernobyl on Mike and straggling through
the woods. For people trying to get
home, they sure do a lot of sitting down and complaining.
One of the cooler
scenes is when the group comes to a section in the woods where there are a
bunch of sticks tied together to look like people hanging from trees. Like a lot them of all different sizes
too. Instead of doing what I might
consider smart and getting the hell out of there, they decide to hang around
and do some filming. All of a sudden
it’s nighttime. Uh Oh.
Back away quickly or linger around? Decisions, decisions
Again they are
awoken in the middle of the night and Heather is freaking out. The noises are all around them and something
starts shaking the tent. Everyone
cheeses it out of there and run into the dark woods. I think I heard a baby scream but in the end
nothing happens. When they wake up the
next morning Josh’s things are covered in some weird jelly. They complain more and around dusk come to
the same log that they passed early in the day.
Heather loses it and the two dudes are mad at her again. Also, both guys suck and Heather is the only
I don’t want to see die.
How can she cry if she knows it isn't real?
Ending
The next morning
Heather and Mike wake up to see that Josh is gone. Perhaps he has turned completely to
jelly. The day after that they find a
bunch sticks tied together with bloody clothes inside of it by their tent. And with that we finally get to the last
night. There’s the scene where she says
she’s sorry into the camera. After
walking around and hearing more sounds the two come to a sketchy run down
looking house. They hearing yelling
inside and think its Josh. Upstairs
there are little handprints all over the wall.
Not good. Now they hear the
screaming from the basement. Things are
tense and right before they get to the basement my internet crapped out. It finally came back on and she sees Mike
standing in the corner just like in the story with the kids. She completely loses, drops the camera and
the movie ends.
The End
Favorite Scene: Tough to say. The scene where they find all the sticks
hanging from the tree I suppose
Memorable Lines: It’s a long one “I just want to
apologize to Mike's mom, Josh's mom, and my mom. And I'm sorry to everyone. I
was very naive. I am so so sorry for everything that has happened. Because in
spite of what Mike says now, it is my fault. Because it was my project and I
insisted. I insisted on everything. I insisted that we weren't lost. I insisted
that we keep going. I insisted that we walk south. Everything had to be my way.
And this is where we've ended up and it's all because of me that we're here now
- hungry, cold, and hunted. I love you mom, dad. I am so sorry. What is that?
I'm scared to close my eyes; I'm scared to open them! We're gonna die out here!”
“Expert” Reviews: The experts seem to
like it.
Rating: 6.9 Jawbreakers. I feel completely different about this movie
now than I did when I was watching it.
At the time I was tense and totally into it. Now thinking back, it seemed like 2/3 of the
movie was the three characters arguing and nothing really ever happened. Still giving it a high rating because it was
a fun ride but there isn’t any rewatch value here.
Alternate Ending: Apparently four
alternate endings were released on the 10-year anniversary version of the
movie. Would rather you watch those than
read something dumb here.
What I would do if I was the main
character: Keep my head. Then probably
pray a lot.
What happens in the sequel: Not sure if
I want to watch the sequel. It has
mediocre ratings. Maybe next year.
https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie
wow, imagine that a movie based on fiction... wow it's like a story for 'entertainment purposes only' who'da thought!?!!
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