Funny Games (1997)
I started this post and then got a migraine, which has put
me behind for the month. On top of that
I lost everything I had typed so no big intro.
This is the first German horror movie I’ve done I think and it’s by the
same director who did Amour. He remade
his own movie in 2007 here with Naomi Watts but I’m watching the original
because they are usually better.
Onwards.
The first scene shows a couple in their son driving through
the forest playing a game of guess that classical composer while towing their
sailboat to their lake house. I’m not
making any of that up; they are the most European people ever. After a few minutes of that the credits pop
up out of nowhere with some really loud metal music. Jump #1
Doesn't this look like it's going to be a nice movie.
Two neighbors show up at the front gate to help the dad get
the boat into the water. One of them
looks to be about the same age as the dad and they knew each while the other is
introduced as the son of a colleague of his.
The kid’s name is Paul and he’s wearing white gloves and the shortest
shorts in the world. Again, euros. While that is going on another kid about the
same age shows up at the front door saying he is a neighbor and starts talking
to the mom. He asks to borrow some eggs
but I can tell that he is up to something mostly because he has evil looking
eyebrows and his shirts too tight. She
asks him innocent questions like how did you get past the front gate and what
are you making with said eggs and he stumbles all over them. Also he is wearing gloves too and it’s not
looking cool at all.
So the mom hands Peter the eggs and he drops them. At first she doesn’t think it’s a big deal
but then he bumps her phone into the sink and she gets peeved. Peter is asked to leave and things seem to
settle down again. The dog, Rolfi starts
barking which brings the mom to check on things and she now sees that both of
the boys are in the house. They chat about
how they love golf so much making the gloves seem a little more in place but
what jabroni needs a glove on each hand in golf? We all know what Jorge Posada would do.
The camera turns to the father and son out on the boat
yelling at Rolfi to shut up. All of a
sudden the dog lets out a horrible yelp and I’m guessing he got golf
clubbed. The dad goes to check on the
sound and the camera shows him knocking his knife off the ledge of the boat as
he goes. She gets serious and asks them
to leave but they aren’t going anywhere and are playing dumb. The dad comes in and asks them to leave and
they threaten him. Pops spits in Paul’s
face and Peter whacks him in the knee with a golf club. Things are escalating fast.
Peter is really Tom and I have been calling him by the wrong
name the whole time. My bad. These German names are really tricky. The dad asks Paul why he is doing this and he
answers “why not?” That’s crazy
hard. Ok momentarily stopping right here
because I wasn’t ready for this movie.
Uh let me phrase it differently.
The first 15 minutes of this movie felt like it was going to be a nice
summer movie about a family growing closer on vacations. In 10 minutes it has turned into a family has
been kidnapped and Paul is playing hotter and colder with the mom while she
looks for her dead dog. On top of that,
while telling her colder he looks over his shoulder and winks at the camera in
the creepiest way a person can do it. Oh
and if you were wondering, Rolfi was in the car. Yikes.
Ya, we see you.
Another boat pulls up while the mom and Paul are out and he
gives her a quick “you talk and your family is dead” speech. Everyone goes back to the house and Paul
continues to taunt and poke at the family.
Paul introduces himself and calls Tom Peter so I guess that was his real
name all along and they were just playing with the family before. Peter and Paul (P&P) rough up the couple
and the mom loses it when they start on the boy too.
There’s some more chatting and toying around of the family
when around 9:00 pm Paul proposes a bet.
He says I bet you that by 9:00 am you will be dead. If not then we will. The mom had the same response as I would “uh
what?” Paul then does the creepy look to
the camera thing and says, “Well what do you think about the bet? I’m sure you are rooting for them.”
P&P with two of the worlds more punchable faces.
The bet is placed meaning it’s time to play a game and this
one is called Kitten in a Bag. The first
step to playing is putting a pillowcase over the boy’s head. It doesn’t look good. They force the mom to strip, comment on her little
body fat and then make her get dressed again.
No boobs are seen and it’s probably good because I couldn’t handle them
right now. When the game is over, the
boy wriggles free and escapes outside from the roof and P&P tape the
married couple up after in response.
The boy runs into the neighbor’s house and hides from Paul
who has chased him there. While moving
from room to room he see one of the neighbor’s bodies which means P&P just
hit this house. Paul cranks the same
metal music from the opening credits and the boy picks up a gun. Get him boy!
Unfortunately nothing happens when the trigger is pulled because the gun
is unloaded.
Everyone arrives back at the house and Paul says it’s time
we do something about this bet. He gives
Peter the gun and tells him to play eeny meeny miny moe while he goes and gets
something to eat. Paul opens the fridge
and we hear a gunshot in the other room.
There’s some screaming and struggling going on but the camera stays focused
on Paul not caring and making a sandwich.
We get back to the room and oh boy. Paul gets mad at Peter for shooting someone
because they moved. He says now there’s
no more fun to be had and they’re going to go.
Before leaving, they thank whoever is left for the golf club they’re
taking and scram. Finally we get to see
what happened in the room. The boy has
been shot in the head and the dad is lying on the ground so it looks like at
least the boy has been killed. After a
few minutes of silence, the mom pops up and goes to get a knife. When she starts to snap out of the shock and
cry, the dad leans up so only the boy is dead.
After like 10 minutes of me watching them in agony, as they comprehend
what just happened, they come up with the plan of the wife running out for
help.
Games are neither now funny nor hungry.
Right before she leaves, he stops her and says, “Please
forgive me” and they both breakdown while crying. Still harsh.
The mom goes on her own way while the dad tries to get the phone to
work. This is all that is going on until
we hear a sound come from in the house. It’s the sound of a golf ball hitting the
ground. Oh no. In walks P&P and they are dragging a tied
up and gagged mom too. The dad has the
deepest look of defeat on his face.
P&P start the eeny meeny mini moe game over who is going to die
next.
Somehow things are still getting worse. Paul picks up a knife and then sings the song
“whether by knife or whether by gun, losing your life can sometimes be fun”. The dad says that’s enough already, just kill
us. Paul responds with “that’s enough?”
and then he looks at the camera and asks us if that’s enough. I said yes but he must not have heard me
because he changes the game. Paul tells
the mom that she must now say whatever prayer she wants and if she recites it
perfectly than God will help her out.
Time for things to get even weirder. While Paul is talking, the mom grabs the gun
and shoots Peter in the chest. I
cheered. But then Paul says no and grabs
the remote, pushing a button, which rewinds the whole movie to right before the
mom snags the gun and he stops her.
“That’s not fair,” I said out loud (tnfol). Paul tells her that she is disappointed with
her because she tried to break the rules and shoots the dad. She’s all alone.
It is now morning and P&P are shown walking the mom down
to the sailboat. The first thing I
thought of was the knife that was left on it and I was looking forward to some
revenge. The get out on the lake and the
camera shows her trying to get her ropes with the knife but she is spotted and
Peter chucks it overboard. Well didn’t
that dream die fast? Paul asks Peter
what time it is and he answers just after 8:00.
With a kiss on the cheek, the mom is dumped into the lake. Peter asks Paul why he did that when they had
a whole hour left and he reply’s that it’s was too hard to sail like that and
he was getting hungry. They share a
laugh and then have a quick chat about antimatter and fiction realities which
went right over my head but could explain all of the talking to the camera
meaning none of this is real. Wouldn’t
that be a relief? The movie ends with
them docking the boat, Paul going up to another house and then asking for some
eggs and being invited in all before a final stare at the camera signaling the
continuing murdering that will follow.
Yeesh.
Boats and Hoes.
Favorite Scene: The first wink because the movie turned from
a little weird into a what the hell am I watching.
Memorable Lines: The dad “Why are you doing this” Paul “why
not”
“Expert” Ratings: Chris Cabin says “What happened to the
good old fashioned insane killer?” I don’t know Chris, maybe people get tired
of watching the same thing.
Ed Gonzalez “Haneke's snooty
admonishments are disturbing because they're never self-critical.” Look in the
mirror Ed.
Rating: 7.5 Mounds. I like this messed up movie because, unlike
the other ones I’ve watched so far, it made me feel something. Something may have been disgust but at least
its something. Also I dug this movie
because it did some things that I haven’t really seen in a good horror movie
before like breaking the fourth wall and using it to mess with the
audience. The movie stopped being about
the story and almost became like a test to see how much we could take. All of the acting was spot on too especially
the mom and P&P. Everything was just
not a big deal for the two of them meaning they neither got excited or down
during the torturing, it’s just the norm.
Alternate Ending (Spoilers) One thing
that was a little predictable was how the movie ended. I could see them moving on and asking for
eggs again and that’s exactly what happened.
In the alternate ending, P&P kill everyone but instead of going and
starting the murder all over again, they go to Waffle House (Drachenfutter
House or something) and have breakfast because again, the murders were no big
deal.
What I would do if I was the main
character: Something. The whole movie I
was constantly saying out loud “Just grab a knife and stab them or
something”. It was so frustrating to
have to just sit by and watch while these people are messed with.
What happens in the sequel: I think the
remake is pretty much a shot for shot copy so I think I’ll pass. In Funny Games II: Game Over P&P come to
the USA and prey on a family in Mississippi.
The two Germans get shot a million times because they have a million
guns. What I’m trying to say is the German
family should’ve tried harder.
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