Candy and a Movie: Movie #52 The Grey

The Grey (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1601913/

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On to the movie. I think it was Stephen Colbert who said that every Liam Neeson movie that comes out now should just be called “I Am Going To Hunt You Down And I’m Going To Kill You”. Pretty much describes this movie too except that he is the one being hunted. Small difference. This review might be a little short. It’s just a movie about dudes running away from wolves. There was really only one scene of real character development for someone other than Neeson. That shouldn’t bother you though because you’re not watching this for any reason other to see man vs. beast square off.

I think I’ll start by possibly spoiling something for you. Neeson starts off by writing a letter to his wife. He keeps seeing her in brightly lit and kind of faded flashbacks. That means she is dead. They reveal at the very end by showing that she is in a hospital with cancer or something but everything about it looks like she is in heaven and dead. The letter he is writing to her is about how he is going to off himself. The reason he is going to do it is probably because she is dead. That also means that although the letter is to her, it is really for him if that makes sense. If you wouldn’t have picked up on this then too bad. I think it’s better to go through the whole movie like me, understanding why he is acting the way he was then to have it hit you at the end (although I think you are smart and got it).

Now that we’re past all of that, Neeson does other stuff too. He was hired by some petroleum company in Alaska to kill wolves and protect the workers. One night he goes into a bar and some weird things happen. First, a bartender keeps filling an already filled beer as noticed by my brother. That means you are being charged for beers that you aren’t drinking. That extra deserves no tip. Secondly, a fight breaks out (of course) and a guy gets his face smashed into a table. I enjoyed it. On patrol that day he killed a wolf and put his hand on its chest as the animal’s breaths slowly stopped. Neeson leaves the bar, kneels in a field and puts his shotgun in his mouth. He asks God for a sign as he is about to pull the trigger, hears a wolf’s howl and puts the gun back down. He lives.

I guess the job is done because he and the rest of the guys get on a plane to go back home. The guys are what you’d expect. One tells a joke about how it’s so cold in Alaska that when he showers, icicles form on his nuts (nugget pouch). That’s not funny. Choose not bathing over hypothermia. Or towel off faster. The plane starts going through some heavy turbulence. I bet things are going to get real grey in a minute. The wing freezes over. A bunch of guys aren’t wearing seatbelts so Neeson goes ahead and puts on three because two wasn’t enough. The plane crashes; it is both intense and loud. Only seven people survive. Guess where they buried the survivors (don’t guess)?

Neeson says it’s important that they make a fire so that’s the first thing they set out doing. They were just in a plane crash though and surrounded by bodies so you can imagine their panic and lack of teamwork in these scenes. Some really corny lines are also delivered here so I’ll go ahead and blame that on the crash too. The first night Neeson see’s one of the stewardesses. Her face is being eaten by two wolves. Then he himself gets attacked and bit by them before the other humans can save him. Says they should probably start worrying about the wolves. Liam wants them to collect everyone’s wallets and use them as dog tags to identify the dead when they make it to safety. One guy who I named Tough Guy (clever) starts taking money out of the wallets and Neeson freaks out on him about it. They say some words and Tough Guy establishes himself as the rebel of the survivors, not wanting to accept Nelson’s leadership. They get surrounded by wolves the next night and all you can see is their glowing eyes which is pretty cool. During his night watch shift, one of the guys goes out to pee and gets killed. Down to six.

The rest of the survivors find the newest dead guy in the morning and Neeson decides that they aren’t safe there and it’s time to go. They head for the woods where they’ll have some cover and can defend themselves a little better. The youngest guy dies on the way so they are now down to five. Then another wolf attack, they don’t stop. The tough guy starts to wig out a little when they get established in the woods. If you ever get stranded with a bunch of people, keep your cool. You don’t want to be “that guy” and panic when everyone else is keeping their cool. They make a fire and the big alpha wolf shows up and leaves, just saying hello perhaps. They chat a little and Tough Guy challenges Neeson to be the leader. He gets a whoopin. Do not fight any fictional Liam Neeson character. You should know better dude. Perhaps if they had just shown Taken on the flight, you could’ve saved yourself all of this trouble.

Things quiet down until Tough Guy (who is losing his toughness) gets attacked by what is called the Omega wolf. Apparently he is the one who is sent to test the group’s toughness and they passed. Wolves are still winning on body count though. They eat the omega wolf which makes the other wolves mad I guess because they do not shut up. Endless howling. They chat some more and for the first time, you get to learn a little about each character. No point really getting into all of them here, but it was nice for each of them to get a little depth so you cared about them before they died. Oh did I say that. Yes by now you have the feeling that they are all going to die one by one. There is a fatter black guy with them who has altitude sickness. I don’t know what that exactly is but he starts talking to his deceased kid sister so it can’t be good. He dies in his sleep (best death of the movie if you have to go). Down to four.

They keep moving the next day and come upon a cliff. Instead of just climbing down it with a rope, they plan on someone jumping like 30 feet across the little ravine to a tall tree and setting up a line for them to rope across. Right before one of the guys jumps, Tough Guy coughs up blood. It might be consumption. So one guy jumps across almost dying but Tough Guy grabs the rope saving him. One guy with glasses (Glasses) tells everyone that he is afraid of heights and also has a hurt hand. Sound to me like we are about to be down to three. Neeson and Tough Guy make it across and it becomes Glasses turn. He makes it half way across and starts to dillydally for no reason. I’m afraid of heights too but I’m not stopping to look down halfway across. He does and his glasses fall off. Then his leg gets caught on the rope, it snaps, he smashes into a tree and falls to the ground. You think he’s dead but on the ground he looks up to see his daughter. Then his daughter fades into one of the wolves and a couple of them finish him off. Tough guy also fandangle’s his knee up falling out of the tree. Down to three just like I saw coming.

The walk for a little while to pretty looking river. Tough guy probably tore his knee all up and calls it quits. Says leave me to die here in a place that at least looks nice. The other guy (Last Guy) tries to talk him out of it but he says no way, he’s gone as far as he can. Cries a little too. I’m not anti dude tears but I do know this, you can’t be called Tough Guy and cry in a movie. At best all he can do now to help the others is get eaten and fill up the wolves’ stomach, slowing them down. So he will be called IHOP because that place always slows me down. Speaking of down, only two left.

SPOILER ENDING THAT ISN’T REALLY AN ENDING BECAUSE WE DON’ T SEE IT

For the first time, I was bummed that someone died. IHOP was annoying at first but really came along after getting beat up by Neeson. He even had a funny line or two. Oh well, two wolves start chasing them and this time Last Guy falls into the river. They taught me both times I went river rafting that if you fall in, keep your feet on top of the water because there are all kinds of things that you can get caught on and pulled under. That is what happens to last guy and he dies. Neeson did try the kissing underwater and passing breaths thing but it didn’t work. It was a pretty detailed drowning too. Looked real and looked not fun. Really not fun. Neeson has a whole yelling at God moment and asks for another sign. What he should really be mad at is Last Dude for falling in and making him get all wet which pretty much means death on its own. He says “F*&# it, I’ll do it myself” and moves on. Now the rest of the movie would never have happened if this was real because he would’ve died from hypothermia fast. Man vs. Wild taught me that. He also went the whole movie without ever drinking his own urine so he probably would’ve died from that too.

Now the only thing I remember from the trailer was that he made these broken bottle gloves to fight with and they have to becoming soon because it’s the end. He pulls out everyone wallet and places his own with them. Then he looks around to see that he is in the wolves bone yard or as he says it, den. I like bone yard better. The wolves surround him as dramatic music starts. He makes the glass knuckles gloves yes! Time for the last showdown. I have no idea what is going to happen. The dramatic music gets louder as he reads the poem that his dad had. I am seriously pumped for this fight! And, AND, AND! The movie end. Credits. That’s it. What? Now instantly, I was bummed. Not only did I think the ending stunk, but there wasn’t an ending. Now, after losing my pump, I liked it. Look there was no way that he was making it out of there alive. You do know that he is going to put up a fight though so I like that they showed that and him not actually being defeated. That wouldn’t have been cool. I didn’t see it but after the credits there is a short clip showing that he killed the alpha wolf. Not a huge fan of it. Like the ambiguous ending way better. I’m sure he still dies even after the alpha is dead so who cares.

DEADLIEST CATCH, LAND EDITION

Favorite Scene : Can’t really describe it in great detail because I don’t remember what he actually said but Neeson talks a guy through dying right after the plane crashes. By far my favorite and it probably is the best scene too.

Favorite Lines : “Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I'll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day.” The big poem

“Maybe I'll turn into a wolfman now”

Rating : 6.7 Grape Laffy Taffy’s. I enjoyed the movie. I like that it was an action movie but still was poetic and has some sophistication to it. Wasn’t just explosions and spears. I dig Neeson in action movies and this was another good watch. Not sure how much rewatch value it has. I could probably go for seeing it once more in the future but that is probably about it.

Alternate Ending : Everyone dies except for Neeson. The wolves come up to attack him but instead they accept him for his work in Schindler’s List. Wolves hate Nazi’s too. He lives with the wolves for 15 years until he has a child. More to come in the sequel section.

What would I have done if I was the main character : Could go a number of ways with this. First, I would die in the plane crash. That seemed like the best death. If that didn’t work, I would’ve never left the plane. You can go ahead and eat the dead people because their bodies are being frozen and keep fresh, Subway style. They always say stay where you crash on the discovery channel so that would be my plan. Also I’d pee a 30 yard diameter around the crash to keep wolves out. No idea if it would work.

What happens in the sequel : The Grey 2 : Colorblind. Neeson’s son (the mom was a lady who the wolves also adopted after plane crash) decides to bid his wolf family good bye and heads for the city to find out who he really is. He gets to Anchorage, sniffs two dudes butts, bites a few people and gets thrown in jail. There he bites one of the guards and gets beaten at said jail. Goes before a judge who finds him critically insane and he spends the rest of his days in a mental hospital thinking he is a wolf. Wins the Oscar for best sound editing. Realistic script.