Movie #55 Kaydara

Kaydara (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1869509/

Ecuador, I should’ve known better.  One night I was looking around for movies to watch and I stumbled on to this turd.  It’s another Matrix movie.  The sequels weren’t all that great in terms of movie quality but I still found them interesting enough to watch this.  Remember movie # 6 Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus?  How could you forget?  Well that probably counts as a “B” movie.  It’s bad and it knows that it’s bad so things are made to be over the top humorous.  This was wayyyyy worse than that.  We’re talking “C”, maybe even “Z” bad.  I’m not adding a spoiler section because hopefully I can spoil this enough that you won’t watch.  Let’s just get this over with.

What I did expect to follow the opening credits is bad metal music.  Everything else was a big surprise.  Things are in first person and we are walking around the green, matrixy world.  Boom, a rat with sunglasses falls from the sky.  It’s raining and night I might add.  Then he jumps into the sky.  What I am now watching is a mix of CGI backgrounds and a claymation flying rat.  Should have known better and just turned it off right here.  I kept going because it’s probably one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen.  A bunch of mouse agents show up and the rat gives them a beating.  There is one left and the scene just ends.  Hopefully we won’t be back.

Things start as an eye ball and fade out to a sweaty guy.  I don’t like eye balls and don’t appreciate that shot.  He plays with the rat as a character on this computer like thing.  It shows that he is on one of those ships with the electric circle things on the outside and he eats some nasty looking gruel.  That’s it.

Now we see a guy in bed and he has the shakes.  He then punches the air and a light bulb breaks.  I imagine that this couldn’t have been the first time that something like this has occurred.  His chest is also unnaturally hairy.  Maybe that’s what happens to chests in the future.  Some stuff happens in the next 10 minutes but I couldn’t tell you what happens because I don’t know myself.  There is finally some dialogue and it’s dubbed over.  I really can’t stand dubbing.  If it’s not in English, just throw some subtitles on it.  Seeing mouths move and words come out that don’t fit just throws the whole thing off for me. 

The ship takes off and head for the surface.  Chest hair says that the one does not exist.  He gives a whole speech about human kind, not into it.  Another ship shows up and they start speaking French.  I guess this stuff is not important enough to get dubbed so that means I can tune out.  Out of nowhere the French dude just starts blasting missiles at them and I get the feeling that it’s only because the director wanted to show some explosions.  Two other people show up in the ship and man the guns.  Have they been there the whole time?

This is the point of the movie where I really did stop watching but I eventually did come back in finish it because I’m dedicated or something.  Instantly I forgot about how bad the dubbing is but the actual lines might even be worse.  In the middle of the chase between these two ships.  The guy who was eating the gruel (the pilot) actually says “We’re doing badly, the might kill us”.  Really?  You are telling us play by play of how a robot would describe things.  We learn that chest hair is named Kaydara and he gets ready to fly out of the ship.  Again the pilot (who we learn is his brother) says “What are you doing?  Are you mad?  Are you going to die?”  Its official, things would be better off in French.  He asks for a spoon (the rat had a spoon in the beginning) and flies into the French ship.  He stabs the guy to death with a spoon, grabs a little girl, blows the ship up and flies to his own.  He then says that the girl is the only survivor.  I don’t think that’s how it works.  When you show up at some disaster and find people, you can say you found survivors.  When you are the disaster and kill everyone else, you say that whoever is let is someone you didn’t kill.  Also the girl has no lines and adds nothing whatsoever to the movie meaning she could have died and it wouldn’t have been a big deal.  Oh there is more bad metal music playing while Kaydara is flying around.

Back on the ship, Kaydara thinks that he has found The One.  I have to keep calling him that because his character doesn’t have a real name.  Bummer.  He jacks into the Matrix and instantly has to fight five agents.  He yells and they all get blown back.  Then he gets into what I thought was a slow mo fight but it’s really just him and the agent doing really slow karate in real time.  The agent shoots at Kaydara who does two completely unnecessary spins and cuts the bullet in half with a sword.  Then kills the agent by throwing a sword at him while he was holding a gun in his other hand.  If you were going to go that route, why not let the gun throw a bullet at him?  His brother informs him that the building is now full of agents so he just jumps off of it.

I just checked and there is only 20 minutes left, I can do this.  Kaydara finds The One while he is stopping bullets mid air and pushing agents to their deaths through walls.  I can’t believe it but Keanu Reeves might have actually taken a role in this and played himself.  The guy does look very similar to him.  Kaydara pulls out his sword and stabs it into ground, challenging The One in a fist fight for no apparent reason.  On the computer, the Matrix turns from green to red which I’m guessing is a bad thing but we never learn.  After like five minutes of them just blocking each other, The One finally lands a kick and knocks Kaydara back like 20 feet.  Again, I don’t know why they are fighting; I thought all humans are kind of on the same side.  Kaydara gets back up and they grab each other’s necks causing both a tornado and an earthquake.  Again, Kaydara gets hit and this time bleeds a good deal.  An agent shows up and The One saves Kaydara from getting shot.  They now start fighting agents while still fighting themselves.  I bet it would be cool if it didn’t suck.

That ends and they get back to the just trying to kill each other stuff (although Kaydara is the only one trying to kill the other).  It’s sword vs. big metal staff and the staff wins.  The One hits him back, takes a call and flies away.  Kaydara starts crying because he lost.  The One then breaks into this one chick’s room and I guess he is looking for the phone she had because when she throws it out the window, he jumps after it.  He catches it on the ground and when answering, sees a picture of the rat from the beginning.  Then he starts like disintegrating with Kaydara saying that he fell for the trap.  If you knew that you had a trap set for him, why were you just crying two minutes ago when you lost?  The brother on the ship downloaded him a virus and as Kaydara is about to kill him, he says stop and delete the virus because he doesn’t deserve to go out that way.  Kaydara goes in for the kill but this time his brother pulls the jack out of his head on the ship, saving The One.  If I remember correctly from the other real Matrix movies, when you do the unplugging, that person dies.  It then starts raining and Kaydara keeps asking to be plugged back in and finally does die.  The brother then jacks in and stares down The One like he needs to get revenge and isn’t the one who just killed his brother.  I have to say that this is just stupid.  Maybe people in the fake Matrix future are just dumber than people from the real Matrix future and don’t get how murder works?  Anyway, The One blocks his stab attempt and flies off while the brother holds onto his dead brother’s body that he just made dead and wants revenge.  Movie ends.  What the crap.

Favorite Scene: When they come up to Earth’s surface because at least the CGI doesn’t look awful.  That’s the best thing that I can say.

Memorable Lines: None.  The two that I would like to forget have already been said.

Rating: 0.0001 Pieces of poop in a Snickers wrapper.  There are movies like Mega Shark that sure, they suck but they are like that for a reason.  The director actually knew what would look bad and filmed things to look that way.  This is just awful.  Honestly, if I made it and watched the finished production, it would never make it out to public for anyone else to see because I would be too embarrassed.  There is no way that it helped the careers of anyone involved.  I would have to guess that all of the actors kept it off their credits.  Reality TV stars are better actors than these people.  I’m serious; Snooki could come in and pull of a better gruel brother than whoever this guy was.  And just when the acting and cinematography was getting bad enough, the ending happened.  I want to know how skilled the writer was come up with something that crappy and still be able to have it actually get worse.  Take that Kaydara.

I’m skipping the other little features (last thing I want is a sequel) and instead going to list things I would have rather done instead of watch this movie:

1          1.)    Watch something else.  Maybe He’s Just Not That Into You because I promised one of my chick flick coordinators that I would.

2          2.)    Take my car out and just drive around, wasting money.  That’s right, if I could, I would’ve paid not    to watch this.

3          3.)    Give myself a tattoo.  I don’t know how so I probably would just keep stabbing myself with the end of a pen.  Still better.  It’d be of a Walrus or something

4          4.)    Shave without and shaving cream

5          5.)    Use this time to finally start the Beastie Boys cover band that I’ve always want to do.  Well, now, don't you tell me to smile!

6          6.)    Read a book

I think that shows you how serious I am.

 See the red circle things?

 Buzz's Girlfriend (Woff)

 Nice face

 There's the rat

 Tornado Earthquake!

 Oh ya I forgot, this chick is also a robot.

This fight is like 15 minutes long and they only hit each other 3 times

Can’t wait for the next movie, need to get this bad movie taste out of my movie mouth.

Movie #54 Love

Love (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1541874/

Welcome readers of Brunei, also known as the Abode of Peace.  I think that’s pretty darn cool and might have to name my next apartment that.  My current on is lacking peace for sure.  Let me just get to the obvious, 9/10 times I would not be watching a movie called Love.  I would watch it if it was called “I Love Making People’s Face’s Bleed”.  I would watch it if it was maybe called “I Love Bacon”.  I would even watch a movie called “I Love Not Loving Things”, but not something just named Love because there’s no way that could be good.  The thing is, the plot of this movie sounded awesome.  Well, at least it did to me.  Listen to this: “After losing contact with Earth, Astronaut Lee Miller becomes stranded in Orbit alone aboard the International Space Station.  As time passes and life support dwindle, Lee battles to maintain his sanity – and simply stay alive.  His world is a claustrophobic and lonely existence, until he makes a strange discovery aboard the ship”.  Plus it’s an indie movie so I thought it would have some solid shots and score.  Stuff like that. 

Things didn’t get off to a great start.  Usually you aren’t in for a great movie when you think you are watching the wrong thing the first 10 minutes.  Some old dude in the Civil War is in an underground bunker writing a journal.  Someone is narrating what the guy is saying and it’s kind of cool stuff but goes on forever.  Already bored and a little bummed.  The general writing in the journal sends one of the young soldiers out on a journey to check out a discovery from another regiment.

Finally we get to space.  Miller is talking to Houston and listening to messages, stuff like that.  Once that is done, he goes and does a little jogging on the treadmill.  You’re in space dude, how about relaxing a little.  It’s like going on a vacation and still going to get your workout in.  Not necessary.  I don’t even going running all that much when I’m at home and I haven’t gotten fat.  It’s all water weight.  You’ll be ok for your little space trip, you can’t be eating all that much anyway.  Lots of nonfat astronaut ice cream I’d imagine.  Then he does a little reading, a little work, and its bed time.  He has a nightmare about war.  Lots of war so far and it’s starting to get pretty preachy with the anti-war side of it.  I should’ve known with it being an indie movie.  Is a movie about some guy getting stranded in space just being about some guy getting stranded in space too much to ask for?  Why does there have to be underlying, unnecessary themes of stuff like war.  It’s super in your face too.  Lame.  When he wakes up, the radio goes on the fritz a little bit.  Later on the day it goes all the way out.  Uh oh.

There are weird interviews cut in throughout the movie.  The first one takes place right now and it’s some guy telling about how he’s a great story teller and it would be a horrible world without stories.  That is all.  Back to space where Miller has had no luck working on the radio.  He gets frustrated and goes running again.  Then a recording comes in saying that some stuff has happened on Earth and he has to stay there for a while.  What is the stuff?  War of course.  Did I say that this was preachy?  He can’t answer them back and says out loud “I’m frustrated and stressed”.  I guess when you don’t feel like acting, simply stating the emotions that you should be displaying is close enough.  Plus I don’t believe him.  If you were stranded alone in space and felt “frustrated and stressed” wouldn’t you use some swearier words?  I know I would.  That leads me to believe that he isn’t mad enough yet.  Then he runs some more.  Get a crossword puzzle book or something dude, come on.

Something now tells him that the life support systems are breaking down.  Maybe if he didn’t run so much, he could’ve preserved more oxygen.  But he had to stay fit because you need big muscles to move in the weightlessness of space.  To save air, he starts locking off most of the sections so now he basically only lives in the main room.

Another random cut scene with some guy talking about how we can and can’t pick where we want to go in our environment.  Guess this one ties in with the whole being stuck in space conundrum.  Miller has another dream, this time of the space station blowing up.  He is super sweaty and possibly drinking his own urine.  He finally snaps and starts breaking things.  It’s at this point of the movie that I realized that I should’ve just watched Moon or Sunshine.  Both are superior space movies if you yourself are looking to watch one.  He whips out a picture of his lady friend, possibly a girlfriend.  Pretty nice.  She’ll be back later.  We see warlike things possibly happening on Earth.  He wakes up the next day to smoke everywhere.  I’m pretty sure that means there is a fire but he doesn’t put anything out.  He fixes something at least.  Fire on a spaceship is probably the worst thing that could happen.   It’ll burn up the rest of your oxygen.  It’s a plot hole, that’s all I’m saying.

Things are back to being boring.  He snaps a little bit more and plays around in his underpants.  Not a lot of astronaut like work is being accomplished either meaning that his trip will probably be a waste.  He starts to hear voices.  He then starts talking to those voices.  That’s never good.  He gets into a spacesuit and goes to the ships core or something.  It’s really cool looking with the lights.  He pulls out a package from somewhere.  Inside is the journal from the Civil War guy.  At least that is tied together now.

Once again, cut scene.  This time a guy tells us that we don’t know what’s important.  He knows though, it’s that everyone wants to be loved.  Disagree.  I’d take two supreme Doritos Locos Tacos over just about anything.  Now we know how the movie got its name.

Miller starts hallucinating and sees his girlfriend in a swimsuit.  It’s a one piece but there are worse things to envision.  Then there is a shot of him in a space suit sitting at a bus stop.  Very cool, probably my favorite thing about the movie.  The girlfriend says something’s, “There are no seasons, just time”.  It’s kind of cool. 

WE HAVE REACHED A POINT

A point of my confusion.  I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.  I could look it up but that would take time.  Here is what I think happens.  He hallucinates some more and plays himself in cards.  The card game is of course war.  Frickin lame, enough with the war already!  Also, if I was alone for that long, I would’ve started making up invisible friends long ago.  He reads the journal and things are still anti war.  The guy who wrote the journal died before he could finish it and that makes Miller angry.  All of the power goes out.  We learn that he has been alone in space for 6 years now.  He writes his own journal about how he is abandoning his post because the life systems there can’t last anymore.  He gets in a spacesuit and I get back into the movie.  My note actually says “Hey look, the movie is getting good.  All it needed was just for something to happen”.  By something, I meant anything.  He gets to the door of the ship, is strapped in and about to pull the cord that will launch him into the vacuum of space and, and, he can’t do it.

This is the very confusing part.  We hear audio of someone on the radio saying that they are coming back up to get him.  Yay.  Also the guy in the spacesuit is now inside a building, possibly a hospital.  He sees a picture of a spacesuit there.  Then a typewriter from the story teller’s interview.  The ceiling of the possible hospital looks a lot like the walls of the spaceship.  The astronaut then walks past an exhibit of the space station.  Now I think that he is in a planetarium or observatory.  He climbs up the stairs and rings a bell at what now looks like a hotel.  The next room he walks through is fancy looking.  He gets in an elevator and I have 0% of a clue of what I am watching right now.  That opens into a brightly lit plain white room with just a door in it.  That opens into a room with a TV playing a clip of him on the Tonight Show.  Then there is a room of servers.  He then finds a book called “A Love Story” by As Told by You (would not read).  The first page tells about the Civil War stuff.  What the guy in the beginning had sent out to see is a giant crater with a space ship in it.  He puts a code into the computer by the book and the place starts transforming.  Someone starts talking to him and tells him that he is the last one.  Possibly it could be aliens telling him that he is the last human because the war killed everyone on Earth.  Possibly he is just hallucinating all of this because that’s what he’s been doing the last 30 minutes.  I still don’t know.  The voice tells him that connections are the most cherished thing that a person could have.  I think being lonely and having your own space ship is cooler than having connections and a Camry. 

He leaves the room and is again shown about to launch himself off the spaceship.  Then there is just blackness and he is being orbited by a model universe.  Kind of like in Red Planet.  Music plays and he gets hit by a star or something.  A robot then says that this has been an experiment between man and machine.  The movie ends.  What the crap?  Again, I don’t care enough to do research about what really happened. 

WELP

Favorite Scene: Him at the bus station in the space suit.  More of that, less of bad anti war messages.

Favorite Lines: “I have decided I am not looking for one discovery. I am simply hoping that we have a history worth remembering.”

Rating: 5.5 of the astronaut ice cream bar things.  There are something’s I didn’t know.  First of all one of the guys from Blink 182 made a new band named Angel’s and Airwaves.  Secondly, said band made a movie named Love to go with their album of the same name.  Now I get why the movie wasn’t that good.  An emotional, claustrophobic sci fi movie should be made by a real director, not be part of a concept album but the guys who made Dude Ranch.  Those guys are good at other things, like making music I liked in 6^th grade.  Not movies that I like in my 20’s.

Alternate Ending: Hard to say as the real ending could be anyone of 3 things.  Let’s say the alternate is the one that I like the most, all humans killed each other and Miller is the last one left.  The aliens do experiments on him.  That’s probably not the real ending so I didn’t just spoil anything.  Though maybe I did.

What I would do if I was the main character : We already know that the treadmill would be unplugged.  I’d get right to making up imaginary people to keep me company.  The first would probably be imaginary Emma Watson.  Than probably Mario Balotelli because he would make being alone on a space ship fun.  Then probably another Emma because I can.

What Happens in the Sequel : I just don’t care.  It will be so pretentious that it’s made not to be watched.  You play by the rules and skip it.

 Civil War 10 minute part of the movie that should've been 2

 Inside the Ship.  It was real looking

 Miller full on crazy

 The Cool look core i was talking about

 AT&T Product placement I mean that cool shot I was also talking about

The ending, who knows what that is.

Love Things Blowing Up, would watch

Movie #53 Intruders

Intruders (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1634121/

So last week I had a pretty solid migraine that involved not being able to sleep for like 37 hours.  That’s like Alaskan crab fisherman hours.  As Brennan Huff said, it was the deadliest catch without the crabs.  As you can probably imagine, I required a decent amount of recovery sleep to get back on track and it’s finally time to make another post.  A big welcome to Slovakia, Albania, Costa Rica (rich coast), Czech, Romania, Poland, Finland, Israel and Zimbabwe first time readers who came on in my short absence.

Clive Owen is kind of the man.  The guy just has swagger or something.  He does a movie like Children of Men in which he is manly and then he does a chick flick and I still get the feeling that he is cooler than me after watching it.  That never happens with dudes in chick flicks.  What we are getting at here is a very possibly mini man crush and I’m not even getting into the accent.  Basically this is a thriller monster movie with starring Clive Owen.  I like five of those last seven words so watching this was a no brainer even with its 33% rating on rotten tomatoes.

Movie starts off with a Spanish kid being told to go to sleep by his pretty hot Spanish mom.  He hears a noise outside and thinks that it’s his cat, Meow.  What kind of a name is Meow for a cat?  I’ve said it before; Cat Damon, Battle cat and Dr. Whiskers are all way better and probably more acceptable by society.  He climbs out of his second or third story window onto some scaffolding during a night rainstorm to look for the boringly named feline.  He turns around, peeking back at his window and spots a giant shadow monster flying inside.  He then follows it in.  Wrong.  I don’t care how safe eight year old or so you thought that your room was but once you’ve seen a monster fly inside, it’s compromised.   Do not go back in there.  Like I said he does and follows some noises into his mom’s room where the thing is on top of her.  There is some struggling going on and I hope it was just fighting and not ra ra raping because it looked a little like it could’ve been.

The boy gets the monsters attention and it chases him back through the house and onto the scaffolding.  It grabs the boy but it flipped off.  Or not.  It’s hanging off the side by the boy’s leg.  The mom runs outside and is trying to get the monster off when, when, when?!?  He wakes up.  It was all a dream.  I kind of thought that it was too and I’m not just saying that.  The mom is there and tells him that it was just a bad dream.  Pretty intense first scene.

Jump to Clive Owen who is a construction worker on a sky scraper.  He calls his daughter and mid call her cat goes missing.  I’m starting to notice a trends between cats and their owners getting into dancer.  The girl finds the cat in a tree and climbs up to retrieve it.  While up there she finds a hole in the tree’s trunk and sticks her arm in it.  Wrong.  Just like the other boy going back into his room, you don’t stick your little arm in deep, dark tree holes.  Come on.  She drops her bracelet in there but does find a box.  Inside is a piece of paper about someone wanting to have a face.  Their name is hollow face.  I still haven’t decided if I like that name or not.  On one hand, it sounds pretty metal.  On the other, it sounds like the very first name they thought of and didn’t put much effort into it.  She continues reading and hollow face rips the face off of a boy in her class.  Crazy.  Then she stops reading the story and appears in front of her class.  She had just read to all of her classmates about a monster that rips their faces off.  To me that sounds like a total psycho who wouldn’t have any friends because everyone would be afraid of her.  Brits.

Owen comes home to his freaky daughter’s birthday party with only a teddy bear as a gift.  Lame.  We also get to see that he is married to the chick that plays the red witch on game of thrones.  These happen to be the only times I’ve seen her actually and she’s gotten super naked in both meaning she must be like the Kate Winslet of British movies.  That night, the girl gets to work on adding to her jacked up story.  Hollow Face needs  a face and is out hunting for kids, stuff like that.  She walks to her parent’s room and sees them naked.  Happy Birthday girl!  Your parents took the getting into their birthday suits joke way too far.  Clive tucks her back in and at this point, I kind of want to see what her face would look like without a face (if that makes sense).

Jumping to the Spanish boy who is now back in his bed when his room starts raining shadows.  Kind of cool looking.  The next day the mom takes the boy to church to get help from a higher power but then backs out before seeking any assistance.  Sounds like the waste of a day to me.

Back to Clive who saves his buddy from falling off a skyscraper at work.  That night his daughter sees herself in a mirror without a face and Owen dreams of the dude from work not having a face.  I don’t know what the heck is going on but it’s creepy.  The daughter goes to him because she had a nightmare.  He does what any good dad would do and takes her out to the creepy shed behind the house.  There he says that to defeat a monster, you have to enter their story.  He then pulls out some old black jumpsuit, hangs it on a rake like it’s a monster and lights it on fire.  I take back just ripping on his parenting skills, this is kind of awesome.  The mom rushes to the burning monster and puts the fire out.  Party pooper.  She tells Clive to get rid of that thing.  All I can think of is now that this movie has gotten all fantasy, this is now a charred, pissed off monster going to be lurking around.

Spanish boy then has another run in with his own Hollow Face.  It hides behind him so he can’t see the thing whenever he turns.  Creepy.  The next day a priest shows up and says he’ll help the boy.  Meanwhile Clive goes in to check on his daughter and she is staring at a wall, just turning the light on and off.  Says that the monster is inside.  All I’m saying is that you can make a new, normal daughter Clive.  Let the monster have this freak show.  She is just not normal.  Clive says no one is there but then sees that someone is there and it’s the black jumpsuit thing that they burned.  They fight and the monster gets away.  If ever there was a spoiler that there was no monster and that none of this really happen is that it did manage to get away.  I’m pretty sure that there is no creature getting away from a Clive Owen fight.  So there you go.  Right before the Hollow Face got away, he kind of ripped the girl’s mouth of without ripping her mouth off( if that makes sense).

Back to Spanish boy who room starts raining shadows again.  You know, that is only a bad thing if it’s night.  If I’m going to sleep and a creepy darkness starts pouring from the sky, I’m creeped out.  If I’m standing in line for Space Mountain in June at like 2:00 P.M. and darkness starts forming around me, I’m not getting out of the way.  It is night time in the movie however and Hollow Face shows up.  Right as the monster jumps, the boy wakes up and there is an older priest sitting next to him now.  The priest leaves, talks to the younger one outside and says that they are both crazy.  The boy needs a psychiatrist, not a priest.

Clive’s daughter is at a psychiatrist because now she is not talking after having her lips removed (but they’re still there).  The girl then keeps adding to the story like a dummy, giving the monster new ways to get at her.  Whatever she writes seems to be coming true so you would think that she would write that the monster went away or maybe they became friends or she could always just stop writing so it would cease to be but noooooo, she has to write about how she is doomed and stuff.  Clive gets security camera’s placed in her room and it becomes Paranormal Activity 4 in there.  Hollow Face comes back again that night and gets away.

The priest goes ahead and performs a little exorcism on the Spanish boy.  Hollow Face shows up at the church but the priest points out that no he doesn’t, it’s only a statue.

LET’S JUST GET TO THE END

Ok so I didn’t like that last scene at all.  Made me think that Hollow Face isn’t real.  I know that I shouldn’t be disappointed in finding out that a made up monster isn’t real, but I want to believe!  Clive goes back to the psychiatrist who thinks that he and the daughter are hallucinating about this whole thing.  They look at the security footage and it shows that there was no Hollow Face.  Now both sides are telling me that there is no monster.  It all happened so fast.  Sad.  Basically they tell Clive that he isn’t allowed to hang around with the family anymore because he is loony.  After some more interviewing of the daughter, she reveals that she knows that Hollow Face isn’t real but her dad doesn’t.  What?  I still have no idea with how they will end this.

Clive goes back to his house (every house in England looks the same by the way) and checks out the girls room.  The girl comes home (Clive is hiding in her closet because he isn’t supposed to be there) and she writes leave me alone at the end of the story.  Then throws the story quickly in the closet.  Movie skips back to the Spanish boy who is writing the story.  He hears something but no shadows come from the ceiling this time.  The mom hears it but is now sleeping with some other dude who tells her not to go to the boy.  Great advice.  Kid puts the story that he is writing in the same box that the girl found it in and in the same tree that she did as well.  Ohhhhhhhhhh now it all makes sense.  The boy is Clive Owen.  That’s how the stories are connected.  He goes back home, climbs up the tree and sees his daughter’s bracelet in the hole. 

He rushes back home only to see that his daughter is having a full on night terror.  She went to sleep and the ceiling shadow thing happened but this time her whole room kind of melted away too.  Could’ve looked awesome if they had more money to work on the CGI.  Instead it looked like crap.  Hollow Face rips her whole face off and she gets thrown into Clive’s flashback.  Hollow Face was really his dad who just got out of prison.  The dad had just showed up one night to take him away and the mom didn’t like that so they had a fight.  Clive walked in on them fighting and the dad chased him through his room out onto the scaffolding.  More fighting and the dad falls to his death in a puddle of wet cement.  What a messed up family.  The girl wakes up and everybody hugs.  Hollow Face is shown running down an alley, dissolving until there is nothing left.

MEH TWIST OVER

Favorite Scene : Definitely lighting the jumpsuit on fire.  Way to take control of a nightmare

Favorite Lines : Nada

Rating : 6.5 of those giant hollow Easter bunny chocolates.  There were times that I was very into the movie but I wasn’t a fan with how it was ended.  It seems that the ending ruined it for most people in all of the bad reviews that were written about it.  It was corny for sure but didn't make me upset at all and I still think that it was great at the beginning and that alone saves it from being a crap movie.  It felt a little like The Orphanage at times which is a great movie and I think if you liked that, then this could be worth watching once.  The director is also the same guy who did Intacto (movie 44) so that’s two decent and weird movies that I’ve seen of his.  I also just checked to see that he is directing a remake of the Highlander movie.  Oh boy.

Alternate Ending : SPOILERS.  This is what I wanted.  There is no twist and the monster is real.  The girl gets her face ripped off and it gets replaced with Nick Cage’s face.

What I would do if I was the main character: If I was Clive Owen, I would’ve probably shot the monster in the face like Clive Owen is supposed to do.  Then I would’ve gotten a lady to fall in love with me and then have to leave her, breaking her heart.  Also like Clive Owen is supposed to do.

What happens in the sequel?  Intruders 2 : Locks Are For Squares.  The daughter’s kid starts being haunted by Hollow Face.  It’s literally the same movie, just a generation down.

 Kid being chased by Hollow Face

 Family Looking Happy

 Family Looking Happy

 Family Looking Happy

 Looking at Something

 Looking at Nothing

 About to Sneeze

 Killing Nightmares

Too Much Foundation

Face On

Movie #52 The Grey

The Grey (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1601913/

I think the additions of Panama and Azerbaijan reader’s means that Candy and a Movie has now been read in 50 countries.  Pretty cool.  You know what else is cool.  Liking Candy and a Movie on facebook http://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie .  Yay Facebook.

On to the movie.  I think it was Stephen Colbert who said that every Liam Neeson movie that comes out now should just be called “I Am Going To Hunt  You Down And I’m Going To Kill You”.  Pretty much describes this movie too except that he is the one being hunted.  Small difference.  This review might be a little short.  It’s just a movie about dudes running away from wolves.  There was really only one scene of real character development for someone other than Neeson.  That shouldn’t bother you though because you’re not watching this for any reason other to see man vs. beast square off.

I think I’ll start by possibly spoiling something for you.  Neeson starts off by writing a letter to his wife.  He keeps seeing her in brightly lit and kind of faded flashbacks.  That means she is dead.  They reveal at the very end by showing that she is in a hospital with cancer or something but everything about it looks like she is in heaven and dead.  The letter he is writing to her is about how he is going to off himself.   The reason he is going to do it is probably because she is dead.  That also means that although the letter is to her, it is really for him if that makes sense.  If you wouldn’t have picked up on this then too bad.  I think it’s better to go through the whole movie like me, understanding why he is acting the way he was then to have it hit you at the end (although I think you are smart and got it).

Now that we’re past all of that, Neeson does other stuff too.  He was hired by some petroleum company in Alaska to kill wolves and protect the workers.  One night he goes into a bar and some weird things happen.  First, a bartender keeps filling an already filled beer as noticed by my brother.  That means you are being charged for beers that you aren’t drinking.  That extra deserves no tip.  Secondly, a fight breaks out (of course) and a guy gets his face smashed into a table.  I enjoyed it.   On patrol that day he killed a wolf and put his hand on its chest as the animal’s breaths slowly stopped.  Neeson leaves the bar, kneels in a field and puts his shotgun in his mouth.  He asks God for a sign as he is about to pull the trigger, hears a wolf’s howl and puts the gun back down.  He lives.

I guess the job is done because he and the rest of the guys get on a plane to go back home.  The guys are what you’d expect.  One tells a joke about how it’s so cold in Alaska that when he showers, icicles form on his nuts (nugget pouch).  That’s not funny.  Choose not bathing over hypothermia.  Or towel off faster.  The plane starts going through some heavy turbulence.  I bet things are going to get real grey in a minute.  The wing freezes over.  A bunch of guys aren’t wearing seatbelts so Neeson goes ahead and puts on three because two wasn’t enough.  The plane crashes; it is both intense and loud.  Only seven people survive.  Guess where they buried the survivors (don’t guess)?

Neeson says it’s important that they make a fire so that’s the first thing they set out doing.  They were just in a plane crash though and surrounded by bodies so you can imagine their panic and lack of teamwork in these scenes.  Some really corny lines are also delivered here so I’ll go ahead and blame that on the crash too.  The first night Neeson see’s one of the stewardesses.  Her face is being eaten by two wolves.  Then he himself gets attacked and bit by them before the other humans can save him.  Says they should probably start worrying about the wolves.  Liam wants them to collect everyone’s wallets and use them as dog tags to identify the dead when they make it to safety.  One guy who I named Tough Guy (clever) starts taking money out of the wallets and Neeson freaks out on him about it.  They say some words and Tough Guy establishes himself as the rebel of the survivors, not wanting to accept Nelson’s leadership.  They get surrounded by wolves the next night and all you can see is their glowing eyes which is pretty cool.  During his night watch shift, one of the guys goes out to pee and gets killed.  Down to six.

The rest of the survivors find the newest dead guy in the morning and Neeson decides that they aren’t safe there and it’s time to go.  They head for the woods where they’ll have some cover and can defend themselves a little better.  The youngest guy dies on the way so they are now down to five.  Then another wolf attack, they don’t stop.  The tough guy starts to wig out a little when they get established in the woods.  If you ever get stranded with a bunch of people, keep your cool.  You don’t want to be “that guy” and panic when everyone else is keeping their cool.  They make a fire and the big alpha wolf shows up and leaves, just saying hello perhaps.  They chat a little and Tough Guy challenges Neeson to be the leader.  He gets a whoopin.  Do not fight any fictional Liam Neeson character.  You should know better dude.  Perhaps if they had just shown Taken on the flight, you could’ve saved yourself all of this trouble.

Things quiet down until Tough Guy (who is losing his toughness) gets attacked by what is called the Omega wolf.  Apparently he is the one who is sent to test the group’s toughness and they passed.  Wolves are still winning on body count though.  They eat the omega wolf which makes the other wolves mad I guess because they do not shut up.  Endless howling.  They chat some more and for the first time, you get to learn a little about each character.  No point really getting into all of them here, but it was nice for each of them to get a little depth so you cared about them before they died.  Oh did I say that.  Yes by now you have the feeling that they are all going to die one by one.  There is a fatter black guy with them who has altitude sickness.  I don’t know what that exactly is but he starts talking to his deceased kid sister so it can’t be good.  He dies in his sleep (best death of the movie if you have to go).  Down to four.

They keep moving the next day and come upon a cliff.  Instead of just climbing down it with a rope, they plan on someone jumping like 30 feet across the little ravine to a tall tree and setting up a line for them to rope across.  Right before one of the guys jumps, Tough Guy coughs up blood.  It might be consumption.  So one guy jumps across almost dying but Tough Guy grabs the rope saving him.  One guy with glasses (Glasses) tells everyone that he is afraid of heights and also has a hurt hand.  Sound to me like we are about to be down to three.  Neeson and Tough Guy make it across and it becomes Glasses turn.  He makes it half way across and starts to dillydally for no reason.  I’m afraid of heights too but I’m not stopping to look down halfway across.  He does and his glasses fall off.  Then his leg gets caught on the rope, it snaps, he smashes into a tree and falls to the ground.  You think he’s dead but on the ground he looks up to see his daughter.  Then his daughter fades into one of the wolves and a couple of them finish him off.  Tough guy also fandangle’s his knee up falling out of the tree.  Down to three just like I saw coming.

The walk for a little while to pretty looking river.  Tough guy probably tore his knee all up and calls it quits.  Says leave me to die here in a place that at least looks nice.  The other guy (Last Guy) tries to talk him out of it but he says no way, he’s gone as far as he can.  Cries a little too.  I’m not anti dude tears but I do know this, you can’t be called Tough Guy and cry in a movie.  At best all he can do now to help the others is get eaten and fill up the wolves’ stomach, slowing them down.  So he will be called IHOP because that place always slows me down.  Speaking of down, only two left.

SPOILER ENDING THAT ISN’T REALLY AN ENDING BECAUSE WE DON’ T SEE IT

For the first time, I was bummed that someone died.  IHOP was annoying at first but really came along after getting beat up by Neeson.  He even had a funny line or two.  Oh well, two wolves start chasing them and this time Last Guy falls into the river.  They taught me both times I went river rafting that if you fall in, keep your feet on top of the water because there are all kinds of things that you can get caught on and pulled under.  That is what happens to last guy and he dies.  Neeson did try the kissing underwater and passing breaths thing but it didn’t work.  It was a pretty detailed drowning too.  Looked real and looked not fun.  Really not fun.  Neeson has a whole yelling at God moment and asks for another sign.  What he should really be mad at is Last Dude for falling in and making him get all wet which pretty much means death on its own.  He says “F*&# it, I’ll do it myself” and moves on.  Now the rest of the movie would never have happened if this was real because he would’ve died from hypothermia fast.  Man vs. Wild taught me that.  He also went the whole movie without ever drinking his own urine so he probably would’ve died from that too.

Now the only thing I remember from the trailer was that he made these broken bottle gloves to fight with and they have to becoming soon because it’s the end.  He pulls out everyone wallet and places his own with them.  Then he looks around to see that he is in the wolves bone yard or as he says it, den.  I like bone yard better.  The wolves surround him as dramatic music starts.  He makes the glass knuckles gloves yes!  Time for the last showdown.  I have no idea what is going to happen.  The dramatic music gets louder as he reads the poem that his dad had.  I am seriously pumped for this fight!  And, AND, AND!  The movie end.  Credits.  That’s it.  What?  Now instantly, I was bummed.  Not only did I think the ending stunk, but there wasn’t an ending.  Now, after losing my pump, I liked it.  Look there was no way that he was making it out of there alive.  You do know that he is going to put up a fight though so I like that they showed that and him not actually being defeated.  That wouldn’t have been cool.  I didn’t see it but after the credits there is a short clip showing that he killed the alpha wolf.  Not a huge fan of it.  Like the ambiguous ending way better.  I’m sure he still dies even after the alpha is dead so who cares. 

DEADLIEST CATCH, LAND EDITION

Favorite Scene : Can’t really describe it in great detail because I don’t remember what he actually said but Neeson talks a guy through dying right after the plane crashes.  By far my favorite and it probably is the best scene too.

Favorite Lines : “Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I'll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day.” The big poem

“Maybe I'll turn into a wolfman now”

Rating : 6.7 Grape Laffy Taffy’s.  I enjoyed the movie.  I like that it was an action movie but still was poetic and has some sophistication to it.  Wasn’t just explosions and spears.  I dig Neeson in action movies and this was another good watch.  Not sure how much rewatch value it has.  I could probably go for seeing it once more in the future but that is probably about it.

Alternate Ending : Everyone dies except for Neeson.  The wolves come up to attack him but instead they accept him for his work in Schindler’s List.  Wolves hate Nazi’s too.  He lives with the wolves for 15 years until he has a child.  More to come in the sequel section.

What would I have done if I was the main character : Could go a number of ways with this.  First, I would die in the plane crash.  That seemed like the best death.  If that didn’t work, I would’ve never left the plane.  You can go ahead and eat the dead people because their bodies are being frozen and keep fresh, Subway style.  They always say stay where you crash on the discovery channel so that would be my plan.  Also I’d pee a 30 yard diameter around the crash to keep wolves out.  No idea if it would work.

What happens in the sequel : The Grey 2 : Colorblind.  Neeson’s son (the mom was a lady who the wolves also adopted after plane crash) decides to bid his wolf family good bye and heads for the city to find out who he really is.  He gets to Anchorage, sniffs two dudes butts, bites a few people and gets thrown in jail.  There he bites one of the guards and gets beaten at said jail.  Goes before a judge who finds him critically insane and he spends the rest of his days in a mental hospital thinking he is a wolf.  Wins the Oscar for best sound editing.  Realistic script.

 Looks too cold for me

 Crash site, can't find his ipad, bummed

 Alpha wolf saying hello

 Last guy probably not reading a wilderness survival guide

 Neeson and Tough Guy (IHOP)

 Good look at the gang and glasses

 Omega is the first wolf they send and the ugliest.  I bet he tasted nasty.

 Running from wolves.  Kind of a big deal.

Glass Knuckles!

So Grey

Movie #51 X-Men First Class

X-Men First Class (2011)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1270798/

Vietnam becomes country number 48 to view.  Also, don’t know if I have mentioned this site before but check out http://www.icheckmovies.com/ .  It’s a really cool site that tracks the movies you have seen.  It’s fun to go through and check them off.  Even better though, it lets you know a ton of movies that you may never had heard off.  Plus we can be friends on there and check out what we’ve each seen.  My username on there is dannyferreira.

Unlike the last two super hero movies, this one I had actually seen before.  I thought it was pretty good but didn’t remember a ton about it.  In fact all that I remember was 1) being surprised who the bad guy was because I didn’t think he would be in the movie, 2) thought the guy who played Magneto was a good actor (and is because he has been casted in a ton of movies lately.  10 in the last 3 years) and 3) the way Charles gets paralyzed isn’t how it really happens but I liked the way they did it.

Like at least one of the X-Men movies from the last series, the very first scene of this movie takes place in a rainy concentration camp with a young Magneto (just Erik for now) being separated from his parents.  He reaches out for them and pulls a metal fence with his metal moving powers.  Meanwhile, in 1944 New York, a kid wakes up in the middle of the night and sees his mom in the kitchen.  He says who are you because my mom’s never been in a kitchen.  The mom turns into a little blue girl.  They become buddies.

Back in Germany, we see who of a people but Kevin Bacon.  He is a high up Nazi and brings in Erik for questioning.  I’m guessing that he just wants to see his parents.  I say I’m guessing because somehow I got the movie without subtitles and they are speaking German.  I kind of remember what happened though.  Basically Bacon (named Schmidt to Germans and Sebastian Shaw to everyone else but I like Bacon) puts a coin on the table and says move it with your powers.  Erik can’t.  Bacon says that maybe he needs to be motivated so he brings in Erik’s mom and points a gun at her.  Counts down to three and says he will shoot her if the coin hasn’t moved.  Bacon gets to zero, shoots the mom, and Erik loses it.  He squishes the metal helmets of other Nazi’s and flips metal tables.  He doesn’t do anything to bacon though which he probably could’ve.  At least I would have.

Skip forward to 1962 Switzerland and a handsome, grown up Magneto is lying in a bed, wearing a robe or something.  I never cared for the name Magneto.  Dr. Magnets, Mr. Magnetitzky or Magnet Von Magnetstein.  Anyway serious dramatic music is playing and he is staring at picture of Bacon.  Dude wants his revenge.  The kid from the kitchen was Charles Xavier (Professor X) who is also grown up and attending Oxford with his sister, who is also the girl from The Hunger Games.  He tries to work his game on a local chick at a bar.  He go full nerd right away and it somehow works.  Has to be a movie.  The sister gets annoyed and leaves with Charles.  Goes into how it’s easy for him to be a mutant because he looks normal.  She however, looks like a monster.  Back to Magneto and the dramatic music.  He’s speaking French which means again, I don’t know what he’s saying.  Looks like he’s hunting down former Nazi’s.  Goes to this banker and tries to get info about Bacon from him (probably).  Pulls the guys silver fillings out of his teeth as a way to get him to talk.  It was cool.

Now we jump to Las Vegas where CIA agent Moira McTaggart (who I’m a fan of) is looking for commies.  She is looking for something called the Hellfire club too in a casino.  That requires her to get into lingerie like 30 seconds (which I’m also a fan of) when she slips in undercover as one of the floozies there.  She is investigating some U.S colonel and she spots him talking to who else but Kevin Bacon.  The guy is everywhere.  One of the people with Bacon makes a tornado in his hand that knocks back the colonel.  There is also a chick that is a telepath like Charles but can also turn her skin diamond.  Her name is Emma Frost.  The last guy with him is the red demon looking guy who can teleport.  His name is Azazel but the way Bacon says it makes it sound like Miss Hazel so that’s what I’m calling him.  Miss Hazel teleports the colonel away somewhere.  Moira is of course shocked seeing all of these mutant abilities for the first time.  When she leaves, she tells her partner that she needs to find an expert on genetic mutation.  McTaggart goes to Oxford, talks to Charles and gets her expert.

The colonel and Bacon meet again.  This time we see what his mutant power is.  He can absorb energy and then reemit it back.  That means the colonel threatening Bacon with a grenade will backfire (see what I did there?).  After that, Charles gives the CIA a demonstration on his powers which scares most of them but one guy loves it.  With him they create a new mutant division.

 

Magneto finds Bacon’s boat and makes a go at him one night.  Emma drops loud noise in his brain causing him to fall off the ship.  At the same time, the CIA makes their own attack against the ship.  The tornado guy is aboard and makes water spirals taking out most of their men.  Magneto picks up the ships anchor and heavy chain and just starts wrecking Bacon’s giant yacht.  It’s very impressive.  Luckily Bacon has a sub built into the bottom of it and gets away.  Charles and Magneto meet for the first time.

The two of them together go back to their new CIA base and meet Hank McCoy.  He is a mutant too.  His ability is that he has big ugly gorilla looking hands for feet that he can use to jump high, hang off things, and run fast.  The blue chick is way into him.  She should be because they are both monsters.  They start talking one day and he is fascinated with her.  Says he wants to “work on her genes” but you know he really wants to “work off her jeans”.  Ya I took the easy road on that but so what.  He takes some of her blood.  It’s not hot and shouldn’t set things off but they both go in for a kiss.  Then Magneto walks in.  If I was McCoy I would’ve said “MAGNETO, NICE TO SEE YOU.  THANKS FOR STOPPING IN” really sarcastically.  He tells her that she is beautiful the way she is and shouldn’t change a thing.  Something is going to be up between them.  Magneto starts to leave and Charles stops him.  They chat and get on the same page.  The first thing that they do is try and recruit some new mutants.

First chick they talk to is a stripper who has wings.  She’s a stripper though so who cares about what’s on her back, I’m sure most people only want to see what’s on her front.  They offer her a job where she can keep her clothes on.  The next two people that they talk to are a black dude driving a cab and some young punk in juve.  After that they pick up this ugly dude in an aquarium.  The last guy that they go to see is Wolverine in a bar (Hugh Jackman) who tells them to “F*%# off”.  The theater went nuts at that when I saw it.

All the new recruits are pretty young and meet for the first time at the base.  The blue chick now wants to be called mystique.  The black guy is named Darwin.  He can grow gills and a tough skin.  The ugly kid is named Banshee and he can do a really annoying loud scream.  The stripper is named Angel.  There is another Angel with wings in X-Men but he’s a dude and a rich one who doesn’t need to strip so I’m guessing that this is a new character.  The punk is named Alex (Havoc) and he can throw fire laser disks.  The punk says that McCoy’s name should be big foot.  Funny.

They go on their first mission to get Bacon at a Russian base.  He isn’t there but Frost still is.  That’s good enough for Magneto who still goes after her even though the mission is called off.  Frost seduces the Russian general while Magneto uses his powers to tie dudes up with barbed wire and disassemble their guns.  Emma is looking very good in this scene.  Magneto and Charles burst in to their room and tie Emma up.  Charles then reads her mind about Bacon wanting to kill all humans so there’s only humans left.  It’s right after this scene, I took a Taco Bell break.

Now full on Taco’s, we get back to the kids again.  Bacon shows up, kills a bunch of CIA agents and tells the kid mutants to join him or die.  The stripper, Angel, joins him.  I didn’t want to say anything, but I knew that she was a ho all along and she proved it.  Darwin tries to save her while Havoc wrecks the others but it doesn’t work.  Darwin gets killed.  Yes, they did kill the black guy first if you’re wondering.  Bacon goes back to Russia and basically engineers the Cold War to become a full on war because he wants humans to kill each other making his take over easier.

Back in America, Magneto comes home and says that they can avenge Darwin.  The next 20 minutes is spent showing all of the mutants training and growing their powers.  I forgot to mention that Magneto has been wearing a turtleneck for 2/3 of the movie so far and rocks it like only few still can.  The only power I would have wearing a turtleneck is the power to not make new friends.  Magneto can pick up cars.  Mystique and McCoy have a fight when he comes up with a way to make them look normal.  Because of Magneto, she doesn’t want to change anymore.  Mistake.  McCoy goes ahead and injects himself.  Ends up turning himself into a big, hairy blue monster.  Meanwhile, Mystique sneaks into Magneto’s room and gets all naked under his covers.  First she looks like her human form and then like Rebecca Romijn who played the same characters in the last movie.  Magneto says he likes her real form better and she turns blue.  That guy’s nuts bring back Rebecca.

BIG FIGHT SPOILER

The next day is the big naval/beginning of the war fight.  Basically Bacon rigs things to pop off and Charles stops them.  They then try to find Magneto’s sub.  Banshee goes underwater and uses his screaming as sonar.  He finds it and Magneto carries it out of the water onto the beach.  Pretty cool looking.  It then becomes a show down between the two mutant teams with the X-Men winning most of the skirmishes.  Magneto gets Bacon’s helmet off and Charles freezes his mind.  Magneto then slowly uses his powers to press the coin from the beginning through Bacon’s head killing him.  Metal (boom).

Bacon is dead but the battle isn’t over.  USA and Russia both team up in fear against the mutants and attack them with a buttload of missiles.  Magneto catches all off them and starts to send them back when Charles interferes.  They fight.  Moira starts shooting at Magneto and one of the bullets ricochets into Charles.  Magneto then pulls a Bacon saying who wants to join me can.  All of Bacon’s people plus Mystique go with him.  Charles is paralyzed.  Him and Moira kiss but it’s pretty weak.  The last things to happen are Charles wipes out her memory and Magneto gets a new, sweet costume”.

THERE’S THAT

Favorite Scene : When Magneto is still looking for Bacon, he makes a stop in Argentina to take out more Nazi’s.  He goes into a little bar and sees a picture with the three guys in there standing next to Bacon.  He talks to them in Spanish so I don’t know what he’s saying.  What I do know is that he is super serious and those dudes are in for a beating.  He starts talking in German and the dramatic music turns on.  The Nazi’s get tense and pull out a knife when he shows them his concentration camp tattoo.  Magneto quickly grabs the knife and stabs though the guys hand into the table.  Awesome.  The bartender then pulls out a gun and points it at him.  Magneto uses his power to have him point it at the third guy and shoot.  Awesomer.  He then quickly pulls the knife out of the guys hand and table, throws it at the bartender killing him, uses his power to have the knife come back to his hand and stabs through the hand into the table.  Awesomest.  Then he shoots that guy.

Favorite Lines : “Listen to me very carefully, my friend; killing will not bring me peace.  Peace was never an option.”

“Let’s just say that I’m Frankenstein’s monster and I’m looking for my creator.

Rating : 7.5 Gobstoppers.  I liked the movie, especially Magneto.  The budget was like 160 mill so it definitely at least looks nice.  All of the X-Men movie’s showed old Magneto and Professor X.  It was nice to see them young.

Alternate Ending : Aliens come and paralyze Charles just like it happens in the comics, by dropping a giant stone on his legs.

What I would do if I was the main character : If I was Charles, wipe out only Moira’s mutant memories and leave the rest because she was definitely into him.  If I was Magneto then I’d tell Mystique that she always looks beautiful but looks especially beautiful when she is in Emma Watson form.  If you really wanted to impress me, then you would look like that more often.

What happens in the sequel : One will be coming out in 2014ish.  I’m guess Magneto will be doing something to the humans and Charles will have to stop him.  Hopefully they’ll be some other bad guys.  Maybe a Mr. Sinister or Apocalypse.  More of the famous X-Men will probably show up too.

 Charles

 Believe it or not, she looks even better under the diamonds

 Oh Moira

 Mystique and McCoy before they go full monster

 Look, a mansion

 You can't look like this and be a good guy

 Dorky jumpsuits

He's either singing or just threw a pokeball

Told you I'd get it done