Escape From New York (1981)
I don't want to get to negative with these things. Definitely not after Indonesia and the Dominican Republic are the newest countries to read a post. Maybe I didn't give Contagion enough credit. It's not that bad, I just got a little bored in the middle and the ending could've been better. It was still pretty good. Just not Kurt Russell good. Did you know Kurt batted .563 in the minor leagues before having a injury that made him have to stop playing. Sooner or later I'll be doing my favorite movie, The Thing, but for now you'll get Escape From New York.
This movie is ridiculous. Let me give you the background story that they spell out in text right after the credits. In 1988 the crime rate in the U.S rises 400 percent. New York City, the once great metropolis, has been turned into a giant prison. I guess things got so bad that they just built giant walls and left everyone to fend for themselves. Their aren't any guards in the prison making it way more fun. Also once you go in, you don't go out.
Lets skip forward to 1997, the time that the movie takes place. The president who is the guy who played Dr. Loomis in the Halloween movies (also directed by John Carpenter) and his plane gets hijacked. He escapes in this pod thing but it of course lands in the middle of New York. Criminals run the place and it doesn't take long for him to get kidnapped. Cops come in to negotiate with the criminals and they are given one of the presidents fingers. It usually is attached to his hand so it not being there at the moment is a problem.
Drastic measures must be taken to get the president back. Snake Plissken is called in. Snake was a WWII hero before he tried to rob a bunch of gold and got life in prison. He walks in with what has to be the hardest eye patch in movie history. His mission is to get the president back in 24 hours so he can make his speech at some assembly to stop all countries from nuking each other. If successful, Snake will receive his freedom. Seems fair enough. Then the guy in charge of the police has two mini bombs placed in Snake's neck that will blow when the 24 hours are up. Not so fair. Snake says “When I get back, I'm gonna kill you” to the cop. I believe him.
One of the things that makes this movie awesome is the music. Snake flies a tiny plane onto the top of one of the twin towers. That is weird enough and the creepy music just adds to the weirdness. Snake gets to the bottom and he's in the city. The president had a tracker on him and it takes Pliskken to a theater. I'm guessing it's on Broadway and there have been a few changes made by the criminals. First, it's creepy as hell. Just dudes in drag singing in a low lit auditorium and the people watching enjoying themselves way too much. That's not so bad though when you consider the literal rape dungeon in the basement. I don't know what shows go on there but I wouldn't pay to watch. Turns out to be a dead end because some homeless guy is wearing the bracelet tracker.
Out of nowhere, people called the Crazies started pouring out of the sewers. Some chick runs into Snake and tries to mack with him but falls victim to the Crazies. Bummer for her. After that they chase Snake for a while but he is too good to be caught by them. A taxi picks him up at the end of an alley and the get away is complete. The cabbie seems to be a good guy and brings Snake to another guy named The Brain to help him in finding the president. It has to be said that the Brain's girlfriend is rocking some serious cleave The president is currently being held by The Duke and Pliskken gets the Brain to take him to the Duke's location.
Snake steals a car and I fell asleep. It was really late and I couldn't help it. Good thing I took notes and knew where to pick it up the next day. The Brain and Dr. Cleave jump into the car too. He tries to drive down Broadway but it's full of mongoloids. Snake gets the president and throws a knife into some dudes head but takes an arrow to the leg in the process. That slows him down and he gets caught and knocked out by The Duke. Not manly.
First thing he sees when he wakes up is that his shirt is off. Could be either really good or really bad. Because it is with a guy named The Duke, it's really bad. It does show off his sweet stomach cobra tattoo. He sees that the president is tied up and is being used for target practice by Duke. Meanwhile Brain, being brainy, is trying to come up with a way to get out of NYC. He realizes that landing on the World Trade Center buildings is the only way that Snake could've made it in. Also note that there is a good chance that Kurt Russell could beat me up today. I would let him, but it would still happen.
Pliskken has to fight some barbarian in a thunder dome type situation. Not 100% sure what it is because I haven't seen any of those movies, it's just how I imagined it. Duke says that he will decapitate Snake but I don't see that happening. They are each given a plank and the fight is on. The president has to watch in a blonde wig and looks even worse than usual. First round goes to barbarian. This fight has to be to the death and round two will feature trash can lid shields and bats with nails sticking out. Snake kills him pretty fast and right as that happens someone comes in yelling about how Brain is about to fly off the WTC. Everyone cheeses it.
THE END
Snake makes it to the roof and finds the Brain in gun fight. The plane is pushed off the roof and we see what is possibly the worst effect ever in the plane falling to the ground. Pliskken is seriously limping from the leg wound and ends up back in the cabbie's taxi with The Brain and Dr. Cleave The only other way out of the city is by a bridge covered in land mines. Brain knows where all the mines are and helps them on their way. It would be easier if there wasn't an intense car chase with The Duke right behind.
They hit a mine and everything goes wrong. That kills the cabbie. Then the Brain gets out and walks on a mine. Dead. That seriously bums out Dr. Cleave and she stays behind with Brain's body and a gun to slow down The Duke. They are almost out and you see cops talking on the biggest cell phones of all time. They get to the wall and the president is lifted out first. Snake then gets lifted out but gets stuck halfway. The Duke pulls out a gun to shoot him but the president shoots The Duke first. What a guy you think. The bombs in Snake's neck get deactivated with 5 seconds to spare. The cop asks if he is still going to kill him but he says he's too tired. Maybe later. So hard. He offers Snake a job but he says “The name's Pliskken” and just walks away. Harder. The president was supposed to have an important cassette on him but when he turns out to be a tool in the end by not caring about the people who died saving him, Snake slips it with a fake and destroys the original.
THE STUFF AFTER THE END
Favorite Scene : The fight scene. Just the whole set looked awesome.
Favorite Lines : “Get a new president”
“God save me, and watch over all of you”
“Remember, once your inside you're on your own.” You mean I can't count on you” “No” “Good!”
Rating : 7.2 Laffy Taffy's. I might like this movie more than it deserves but it's my rating. The music fits perfectly and it looks awesome. Kurt is awesome. Everything else is ridiculous.
Alternate Ending : SPOILERS. Snake does something to the cop at the end. Maybe doesn't kill him but injects him with the bombs and gives him 24 hours to do something, possibly like drinking 24 gallons of milk.
What I would've done if I was the main character : Use that gun a little bit more. I would've been scared out of my mind but if I had a snake tattoo I'd feel a lot better .
What happens in the sequel : It's called L.A Confidential and I've never seen it. I hope it has something to do with the whole world being a jail and Snake is the leader. Would watch.
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