This was the first time that I have seen this movie. I’ll start with the what you should take away from this movie by saying that it makes Walk Hard seem funnier. There were scenes in Walk Hard, like when he keeps riping the sink off the wall, that are kind of funny but don’t really make sense. Then Cash does it once in Walk the line and it is funny. So there you go.
Movie starts with the bad terminator from Judgement Day dropping a n bomb. He has two kids named Jack and J.R. I don’t know which one turns into Johnny but once Jack dies from a sawing accident, I think I got a better idea. The dad is bummed at Johnny because he left Jack early to go fishing but Jack told he could go so lay off dude. T-1000 is still a jerk and says wrong kid died, just like in Walk Hard. It all makes sense now!
Movie skips back to the future and a grown up Johnny is now being played by Joaquin Phoenix(the Joaq). He is leaving to join the air force and calls some girl because he loves her. I think he asks her to marry him. She said she can’t because her dad says that there is something wrong with him. I laugh. According to the movie, Johnny spends most of his time in the air force sitting in empty hangers playing his guitar.
Skip back to the future a few more years and Cash is now married with a kid. His wife isn't Reese Witherspoon so I immediately knew that things weren’t going to go well for her. Her name in real life is Ginnifer, not Jennifer so I’m sure she has already handled life being tough and can deal with Cash too. Johnny is a door to door salesman and not a very good one. I’m not sure if anyone can be good at that but most people at least sell something. Facing eviction from his home, Cash says he and his two friends will get an audition for a record deal to make money. Ginny says they won’t because they suck too bad. She doesn’t believe in Johnny and now she deserves whatever’s coming in my book(blog). They get to the audition and play some gospel song (in Walk Hard it’s That’s Amore) and the record guy tells them to stop because it bores him. He gets all deep and gives a whole speech about how they need to play something that’s real to him. Johnny’s band is in all black by the way because that’s the only color that they all had. Johnny starts some song that they have never played together and the other two jump in. Ends up being really the only song that I liked. They get the deal and keep the house.
Johnny now is out on tour. Here is another thing you can take from this movie. Reese Witherspoon is not funny. It could be that her character isn’t funny or it could be that she isn’t. I say both. I have also been told that it was a different time and those jokes they told in the movie killed. I refuse to believe that. Moving along and reading my notes, some character said “This song is hotter than a pistol” which is a phrase I plan on using a lot now. Basically the next 20 minutes is just Cash playing his songs. If you are into his music then you would probably like this. I got super bored. Some of the music they listened to back then just makes me say things like “yeesh” and “ow”. Again I was told that it was just a different time.
Things are going great for musician Johnny, but Johnny the dad is struggling, big time. Not helping out the wife, dealing with his fan mail(some of which are girls sending pictures of themselves in swimsuits!), popping major pills and trying to mack with Reese Witherspoon are all things I consider to hurt your relationship. Johnny makes Reese sing a duet that she wrote with her ex-hubby and ends up crying after the show. Cash goes full rock star and smashes his guitar. Then the sink wrecking getting back to the Walk Hard thing. Cash gets her angry again and she says “y'all can't walk no line”. Precious. They sing a bunch of songs and again I lose interest. I guess things between Cash and Reese cool down because they get down to business if ya know what I'm saying. In the morning Cash says “my bad” which totally takes me out of movie because what kind of countryish singer is saying my bad in the 60's and or 70's.?
SPOILS
Cash is still on tour and OD's or something and passes out mid song. His band buys him a plane ticket home and he's kicked off the tour. He get busted at the air port carrying drugs in his guitar and gets thrown in jail. Ginny finds out about all that business with Reese and leaves with the kids. It was pretty hardcore, everyone is crying and there is chasing to no avail. The rest of the movie is Cash trying to find himself. He trolls through the woods in the rain, buys a house and tractor, trys to impress his parents and in the end winds up with Reese because come on, he had to.
Cash is still on tour and OD's or something and passes out mid song. His band buys him a plane ticket home and he's kicked off the tour. He get busted at the air port carrying drugs in his guitar and gets thrown in jail. Ginny finds out about all that business with Reese and leaves with the kids. It was pretty hardcore, everyone is crying and there is chasing to no avail. The rest of the movie is Cash trying to find himself. He trolls through the woods in the rain, buys a house and tractor, trys to impress his parents and in the end winds up with Reese because come on, he had to.
UNSPOILS
Favorite Scene : The audition with the record producer was good. I was still into the movie at that point.
Memorable Quotes : Only one “That boy Elvis sure talks a lot of poon”
Rating : 4.5 dirt flavored jelly beans. This isn't my kind of movie. If you like Johnny Cash or stories of redemption and love then you'll enjoy this. If you like movies of robots fighting and poop jokes then you'll probably snooze through it.
Alternate Ending : Not to ruin the spoiler but whatever Johnny asks June in the end she answers know. And then yells SIKE and says yes. Perfect beginning to a perfect something in my eyes.
What I would've done if I was the main character : No cheat on Ginny. She definitely settled on me in the beginning of the movie because I was no catch and I repay her by getting with floozies in every town in the south? Not fair.
What happens in the sequel : Tap the line. After becoming a famous singer and guitar player, Johnny Cash becomes a famous tap dancer.
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Cha-Ching
Great review - 9 out of 10 candy corns!!
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