Movie #12 Puppetmaster

Puppetmaster (1989)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098143/

1989 was a good year. I was born and so was Puppetmaster. Think of this movie as Pinocchio with nudity, psychics and throat slashing. Or imagine that the freaky part from Pinocchio, when the kid at the pool table turns into the donkey, is stretched over the entire movie.

First scene is an old creeper painting puppets/dolls in a hotel room. He is way to old to be playing with dolls. In fact, I think he is creepier than the dolls. Anyway he is just painting away when the camera jumps to two guys in suits, scarves and black hats. They get out of the car and it isn't hard to infer that they are coming for the old guy. Back to the room and a puppet sitting on the window sill turns to the old guy on it's own and signals that they're here. The two men in black are making their way to the hotel room while the old man hides the puppets and some old Egyptian scroll away in the wall. The two guys get to the door, pull out their guns and bust in but they are too late. The old man has popped a gun of his own in his mouth and done himself in.

Movie now jumps to present time which was surprising because I missed when it told me that all of the shooting happened in the past. A guy who I will refer to as Mr. Hair because of glorious mane on his head, is sitting in therapy and dreams of someone getting eaten by leaches. At least they aren't piranhas. Now we skip to a couple getting their fortune read by a female psychic who will be referred to as the Ging because of her own mop. Things are normal until Ging freaks out and see's a vision of her getting her throat slashed. Might take the piranhas if I was her. If you still have no idea about what's going on don't worry, I didn't either.

The Hair and Ging show up at a funeral in the same hotel where the first scene occurred. One of their former colleagues died and they are there to say bye. Well Mr. Hair is, Ging is there to make sure that he is dead and stabs his heart once his widow is out of the room. Another man and woman are there and act just as weird as Ging. While in an elevator the other chick who I will call Wild Thing has a vision of a rape that took place there out of the blue. A boob may or may not have popped out.

It's dinner time for the four people at the funeral and the widow. Ging is trashing the dead guy and so are the Wild Thing and the last guy, Frank. You can imagine the widow not be super happy listening to that so she leaves and Mr. Hair goes to her for some comforting. I forgot, there is some next level bad acting at the dinner scene, Ging's fake southern accent is brutal. Mr. Hair tells the widow why they are all there. Mr. Hair dreams the future, Ging is a real psychic, anything Frank touches can be brought to life by him and Wild Thing can touch any inanimate object and see its entire history. The dead guy was the one who brought them all together but he was a total deutschbag and they all were there to make sure nothing magic powered happens. I don't know if I would've believed it or thought it's awesome but I know I would have at least shown some emotion. Its no big deal to the widow though I guess.

While everyone is away from the body, this creepy puppet with human hands crawls out of the caskett. It looks mega dumb. Human hands crabs a fire poker and bludgeons the maid to death. No one else cares. They don't care because Wild Thing is fully nude in the tub and after a quick bath, gets it on with Frank. Blindfolded, tied down, Olivia Newton John Lets Get Physical style getting it on. This is also the scene where all the action starts. After peeping Wild Thing long enough, a puppet with a drill on the top of its head goes in the room. Wild Thing hears something, looks under the bed and gets her face drilled in. Frank is still blindfolded and doesn't know that the grossest part of the movie has now begun. While still be tied down as well, a chick puppet climbs up on Frank and starts kissing his snipples. Frank thinks it's still Wild Thing and is all about it. Chick doll then starts puking leaches all over Frank. I almost puked. I can handle the blood but the yaking gets me. He dies. During all of this, Ging is walking around the hotel saying little spells to protect them because “they are in danger” Ya think?

Ging goes back to her room to find the corpse sitting up in a chair. She doesn't absolutely lose her s*** like I would and laughs it off. Human Hands shows back up and attacks her by grabbing and pulverizing her legs. She gets away. Now another creepy looking doll with a hook for one hand and a knife for the other is after her. She gets away from him too but back comes Human Hands. Not only does he attack Ging, he is full on punching her in the face. It's awesome. She gets to the elevator and throws Human Hands out. It's not enough, Hook finally catches up with her and slits her throat, just like her vision. She had finally started to become a good guy too. Just to add a note, usually I'm all for the metal, gorey death scenes but something just was off about this one. Got a bad vibe, wasn't feeling it

ENDING STUFF

It's just Mr. Hair and the widow now. She takes him to the dead guys office and they find out about the puppets. From the dead guy! Apparently there is some old egyptian spell where you can bring stuff to life and the puppets mirror their master. That explains why the puppets are so evil, this dude is really up to some stuff. He killed himself in order to bring himself to life forever, like he is some kind of puppet. They fight and the dead guy is dominating. In the middle of the rumble he tosses away a puppet and calls it useless. That was a mistake. Dead guy then starts punching the widow in the face. Some solid head shots are being connected on women in this. Eventually Mr. Hair is able to trap the dead guy in the elevator. The puppets have now revolted against him. Human Hands is holding him in there while the drill drills away at his legs. I thought it was strange that a dead guy turned into fleshy puppet can still feel pain, bummer for him. Hook cuts off his fingers as he is trying to climb and then the leach lady pukes one in his mouth. Sick. He dies, the widow takes over the puppets and is a good owner and the movie ends.

TIME FOR FEATURES

Best scene. Nothing sticks out now. Ging vs Human Hands and Hook probably

Memorable Quotes : “I'm the master, and you're the puppet” gold

“I had this dream and I came here to make sure it didn't come true”

Rating : Giving this 5 mars bars. Pretty average as far as 80s horrors go. Had a chucky thing and a psychic angle working for it, that was interesting enough. Movie wasn't made to be an Oscar nominee and I had a somewhat good time watching

Alternate Ending : I don't remember what the cartoon show was but it involved spaceships coming together and forming a super robot fighter. I guess the Power Rangers did it too. A giant fighter made of alive puppets fights Mr. Hair and Ging. Ging is trying to shoot mind bullets at it while Mr. Hair applys mousse to it's eyes, blinding it. The widow bends down on all fours behind the puppets and one of Ging's mind bullets connects pushing the Puppettron 8000 backwards and tripping over the widow. They crash to the ground and break.

What I would do as the Main Character: sleep all the time. You'll aready know what your missing. Also get the hell out of that hotel. Puppets are creepy enough, murderous living puppets crosses the line for me sorry.

What happens in the sequel : There are at least 4 sequels that have already been made for this and I have no idea what happens in them. I'm sure the puppets fall back into the wrong hands. This might be too soon but lets just say that the puppets and secret Egyptian spell wind up in the hands or a Mr. Michael Jackson. We all know he probably loves playing with dolls, but now he has the power to live forever. He actually gets killed and then comes back looking just like himself, the creepiest puppet of all time. Moonwalking to the the seventh movie in the series.

There can only be one.