Candy and a Movie: Movie #40 Better Off Dead

Better Off Dead (1985)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088794/

Time for another chick flick. Glad Sri Lanka, Ireland and Moldova can all be a part of it. I had never heard of Better Off Dead and I'm guessing that Cusack must have been a big deal in the 80's because more of these movies keep popping up. I don't think they are anything special, not really my favorite kinds of movie but it isn't like I have a hard time getting through them.

The movie starts with 80's music credits. The credits themselves are actually really weird. There is this like animated monster thing going on. Hard to explain, wasn't into it. Cusack's first scene is pretty disturbing as well. To start with in one of the more messed up things I've ever seen in a movie, he showers with his socks on. They never explain why. Then they show his room which is covered in pictures of this one girl, probably his girlfriend. You know in stalker movies when the creepy dude has like a little closet shrine of the girl? Cusack has a whole room of that. He has pictures of her on every clothes hanger. Not as psycho as the socks thing but still pretty jacked up. He also has too many pillows on his bed for a dude in high school. Looks like a woman's set up. Haven't seen a lot of rom coms but even I can see that he will be getting dumped by the chick.

After we meet his family (all wearing bathrobes, it was a different time) he heads to tryouts for the school ski team. He gets there and we meet the bad guy. You can tell that he will be the antagonist because he has classic 80's movie bad guy hair. Cusack's girlfriend has a thing for the guy(his name is Roy by the way). Cusack's name is Lane Meyer and his girlfriend is Beth. That's better. Lane doesn't make the team and gets dumped for Roy. Glad they got it out of the way early. I think it was the right decision by Beth, Lane clearly has issues. Best to get away from him before he can collect enough of your hair to make a voo doo doll. When he gets home, the camera shows a quick shot of the new french foreign exchange student that moved in across the street. She will clearly be the girl that Lane ends the movie with. Why else would they show her? At first glance I thought she was better looking than Beth anyway.

Cusack tries to hang himself but it doesn't work. I guess he feels like he'd be better off dead. I said it. At school he day dreams in the class of one of the ugliest people I've ever seen. I'll try and find a picture to add at the end of him. He has one weird dream too. We see Roy again and he looks like he is 30. How many times has he been held back and how is he still eligible to be on the ski team? At lunch one kid drinks Jello out of a straw while another snorts it. What the hell is going on at this school? Lane just starts talking to himself, having a full conversation. I guess things get heated with himself because he yells loud enough for everyone to stop eating and stare at him. He somehow is able to recover from that and gets the courage to ask the cheerleader who is with the “whole” basketball team out. He gets denied, trips, and rips her uniform off trying to grab on to something. Movie is a little unbelievable after this because he remains a nerd while I am almost certain that pulling off a stunt like that, even though it was unintentional, would make him a school legend. A man of men. Doesn't happen for Lane though who gets asked by the ugly teacher if he can ask Beth out. That has to be awful. I have a fear similar to that. Actually I have three pretty strong fears in life. I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned them but this post could use a little filler (just kidding). One is snakes, keep them away. The second is heights although if it's for something fun like a water slide, I can suck it up. The third is that I will one day have a girlfriend that dumps me for the guy who played McLovin. I really would be better off dead.

Back to the movie. Cusack tries to kill himself two more times. Once by jumping off an overpass and another with car fumes inside a garage. Carbon monoxide is the scientific term I think. After getting past those failures, he tries to ski the great K12 mountain but fails at that too. His best friend is the guy that played Booger in those Revenge of the Nerds movies. In the beginning I thought that he wasn't all that funny but I've started coming around to him.

I'm sure that you are worrying about the French chick. Her name is Monique and he has super curly hair. Way curlier than my man hair (almost said regular). Lane's neighbors basically got her so that the fat nerd high school dude would get married to the girl. Perfect plan. It takes a really long time but they finally talk. Oh ya, part of the reason that it took a while is that she was pretending not knowing English so that she wouldn't have to talk to the family she's staying with. Can't blame her, they blow.

Spliced in with the normal chick flick script are just really weird moments. One is Lane's seven year old brother getting a book called how to get trashy girls or something like that and the kid does. Totally doesn't go with the plot of all but just happens. Then Lane gets a job at a burger place and day dreams about the burgers coming to life and they sing a whole song. I think it's supposed to add comedy to the movie but it just kind of weirded me out. That's all I'm saying, I just didn't get it. Went right over me.

One day at school, Roy says something mean to Monique and Lane sticks up for her when she sticks up for him. The actress herself now uses this heavy fake accent in all of her dialogue but it isn't too ridiculous. She ends up bring pretty cool too. Likes baseball and knows how to work on a car. Lane realizes that she is a keeper. He takes her out for a romantic dinner and drops a little saxophone on her. Must be irresistible for the ladies. She is also an expert skier which will come in handy.

THE SPOILER SECTION

When Cusack stuck up for Monique, he challenged Roy to a race down K12. There is an episode of South Park that involves a ski race and I always just thought it was made up. Definitely comes from this. While practicing, one of Lane's ski's gets broken so he races on one leg and of course wins. Now that he is a winner, Beth wants to get back together with him. The movie would never let that happen so Lane goes after Monique. The last scene takes place with the two of them at Dodger Stadium and I totally called it. What a pro.

TIME TO BREAK SOME STUFF DOWN

Favorite Scene : I kind of liked the first scene of Lane waking up and we just see how crazy he is.

Memorable Lines : “He keeps putting his testicles all over me. Excuse me? You know, like Octopus? Testicles? Ohhh. Tentacles. Big Difference.”

“I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls”

“Go that way really fast. If something gets in you way, turn.”

“Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that”

“I think all you need is a small taste of success, and you will find it suits you”

Rating : 6.4 Bon Bons. This movie remained enjoyable even though it was predictable. That's all that I need from a chick flick.

Main Girl Rating : Monique is getting a very respectable 7.5. Her throwing form when she was tossing the fruit wasn't perfect but it definitely was respectable and as a guy who just went through a broken radiator problem, having your lady fix your car makes you feel both emasculated and turned on at the same time. All you can do is pick one of the two, might as well go with turned on.

Alternate Ending : The ultimate twist would've been if he ended the movie with Beth. Chick's everywhere would be outraged I'm guessing. That's publicity a movie that only made 53,000 opening weekend could've used.

What I would do if I was the main character : First off, suicide isn't the answer, especially to your high school relationship issues. Take it easy. After that's out of the way, I'd take my damn socks off in the shower. Is that even safe? Then I would live out my days famously as the guy who accidentally pulled the cheerleaders uniform off at lunch. I peaked at high school

What happens in the sequel : Do chick flicks get sequels? All I can think of is Sex and the City. I didn't see either of those but I can't imagine the second one being necessary. Better Off Deader's plot would be about Lane getting dumped again and falling for a German girl this time